“Diary of a Guji Girl” and What I think we should be discussing

Like many people I have been an avid reader of the blog ‘Diary of a Guji Girl’. Initially I was interested in reading the blog because of the huge hype that surrounded it, eventually though I found this to be an educational experience for me in many ways. So a few weeks ago I was delighted to have finally received my copy of the book based on the blog, and I set aside an evening just for reading this.( I must say as a side note that holding the book in my hands was so much better than reading the blog). Nonetheless, the book has marked the end of this story and like all stories I find myself at odds, there is closure, which is always a good thing, but for me the lessons derived from this story is far more important and it surpasses all the hype, the popularity and everything else that has come with this.

I admire the author Qaanitah Hunter for boldly discussing issues that no one else dare speak about, and I love that she has made such good use of satire and humour, there’s this nagging part of me though, a part that tells me that perhaps people didn’t take the messages from the book exactly in the way it was intended, that the characters were “glorified” by readers in ways that should not have happened and that the reflection of our society as portrayed in the story has not been concerning enough for people. Perhaps it’s just me over analysing things again, I don’t know, but in any case, I decided to mention the lessons that I have learnt and what I think we should be discussing after reading this story.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the story, the very basic summary is that this is a story of a first year university student, Amina, who leaves her home in the small town of Newcastle to come to the big and sometimes very unfriendly city of Johannesburg. On the way she meets new people, has different experiences, but it is mainly Amina’s obsessive quest for marriage that forms the basis of this story, and it is her “relationship” with the typical messed up, unstable, but very good looking, rich and popular guy that forms the central focus.

The biggest lesson that I derived from this blog/book is also the scariest one so I’ll begin with that. While reading this it dawned on me that the biggest threat to the religion of Islam in South Africa is cultural heritage. Now, before people jump down my throat, please allow me to explain. Diary of a Guji Girl has very perfectly depicted how Muslims in South African Indian society hold on strongly to their cultural heritage. This in its own is not an issue, but it becomes an issue when it is at the expense of the way in which Islam is practised. The problem of cultural heritage surpassing Islamic teachings is so evident in the story, for instance when Amina judges her Cousin Ayesha’s future husband because he is not from the same cultural background. Besides this very overt depiction of what I am talking about, the characters in the story all tend to hold on to cultural practices like it’s the law. There is no questioning the relevance of these practices and very often cultural practices surpass religious ones and people are judged when they decide to choose religious practices over cultural ones.

The reason for this being scary or worrying is that when people place more importance on their cultural heritage than anything else, this can cause division, racism and prejudice and it can be a huge hindrance to Islamic unity. I see this too often in the society in which we live, and coming from a mixed cultural background, I myself have been a recipient of the prejudice I allude to, and so reading about it in Diary of a Guji Girl just brought home this issue so aptly. But the scariest part of it all is that people don’t stop to think about the negative impact this may have and instead remain insistent that their particular culture is “the way things should be”. I personally think that Diary of a Guji Girl was an attempt to change this type of thinking, showing in a very satirical manner that maybe the way we have been thinking all the years is not always the right way. Whether readers actually took this message seriously however is another story.

The other issue that stood out for me was the overly obsessive pursuance of marriage. Now, I am not at all disputing the importance of marriage. Islam definitely does place emphasis on marriage and even regards it as “half of faith”. However, in this overly obsessive quest for marriage, we seem to have forgotten the true purpose of marriage in itself. Marriage is supposed to be a means to the end, not an end in itself. This Hollywood style search for happily ever after, (or in this case, the happily ever after in the smart Houghton house with the good looking, rich and popular man) can only lead to trouble. As Muslims the only happily ever after that we are supposed to be pursuing is the one we are promised in the Hereafter. If marriage is not going to make us better Muslims who are constantly trying to improve ourselves in our striving to reach closeness to Allah Almighty, then this means is not a very positive means to the ultimate end, now is it? With this crazy obsessive search for the perfect man and seemingly perfect life, it’s no wonder people get divorced so easily these days. May Allah guide and protect us all!

The last issue that I’ll mention here is the materialistic nature of people. As the protagonist in the story, Amina’s materialistic nature actually becomes so annoying that at some points you want to smack some sense into her. This is more evident in the blog posts than it is in the book, but nonetheless, it highlights the fact that many of us have lost the plot and we have become selfish and self-absorbed. I don’t know how other people feel, but for me spending R2000 rand on one shopping trip on nothing other than clothes is absurd. I love that the author made an attempt to bring Amina back to reality and make her realise that life is about responsibility and not being wasteful, and of course about sharing with others as well if you can afford to do so.

There is so much more that I can say about this story, so much more details to discuss about the issues brought about in it, that’s why I was disappointed when all people could focus on was the “love story”. Naturally this brought up a whole lot of other questions for me. Why do people love Moe and Amina together? What is it about the attraction of ‘good girls’ to the ‘bad boy’? Is life really all about finding love? What are our ideas of love even based on? Should young women really be putting themselves out there and doing whatever they can to secure a good marriage prospect? How much will parents overlook and give in so that their daughters end up marrying a good man? Is society’s viewpoint really that important? Has money and status really become so important to us that we are willing to compromise on our Islamic values? …

Yes, it is evident that there is much more that I can discuss about this story, but the story has ended so perhaps I should end my thoughts here as well. I would love to hear other thoughts on this though, perhaps someone else has good answers to all my many questions.

Image 1 from here 

Image 2 from here  

Image 3 from here

Those terrible “Blue Days”

We all have “blue days”; those terrible days when you just don’t feel like getting out of bed in the morning; when you feel like you will never be happy again and that life is just a huge mess. If you’ve never had one of those days then you are very fortunate or perhaps more appropriately I should say that you are unfortunate; but I doubt that there are many people who can say they’ve never had a “blue day”.

The reasons may differ, but somehow things always seem to have a way of working things out, or rather I should say that The Almighty Creator allows things to get better through His Infinite Mercy.

This weekend was a blue weekend for me. It all started on Friday when I had an argument with my mother over something very stupid. Of course the worst thing you can do is argue with your mother, it just always turns out bad and no matter which way you look at it, you’re never going to come out of there the winner. I think this is because of the high status that Allah has afforded mothers, or maybe it’s just because it’s useless arguing with the woman who gave birth to you, raised you and knows you better than anyone else ever will. And let me tell you that the saying; “mother always knows best” really is true. So anyway, I did the stupid thing and argued with my mother, which I regretted terribly afterwards, as can be expected; and this was the cause of my “Blue weekend”. It was all very unnecessary and easily avoidable if you ask me, but sometimes we need to learn things the hard way.

Alhamdullillah (All Praise is due to Allah) things are much better now. Did I mention that it’s also a mother’s nature to always forgive her children, well most mothers anyway! So today is a very happy Monday, because after a blue weekend you can’t have a blue Monday, not when things are looking much better.

Nevertheless I thought that this would be a good time to share something very valuable that I’ve learnt in one of our ladies workshops. So here goes.

There 5 Reasons why Allah gives us problems:

1.  To direct us towards Him.

2.  To inspect us.

3.  To correct us-with the lessons learnt through the pain and failures we experience.

4.  To protect us – from more serious harm because if we learn from our lessons and apply what we’ve learnt to our lives.

5.  To Perfect us- When we respond to difficulties correctly then this builds our character and helps us to be better people.

Isn’t this interesting? So in each situation we need to look at what the reason is for our difficulty and how we can use this to become better people. If we remain the same throughout our lives then we are not reaching our goals on this earth. We have to learn and grow from our mistakes so that we can become perfect people, and Inshaa-Allah (If Allah wills) then we will be able to stand up straight on the Day when we have to face our Creator and account for our deeds.

So what if we had no “blue days” at all; no difficulties, no challenges and no problems. What would life be like then? And what type of people would we be?  And if we don’t make mistakes then how will we know better the next time? Furthermore, if we don’t go through all these difficulties, confusion, misunderstandings and what not, then how will we come to understand ourselves and other people, how will we learn about life and most importantly, how will we learn about the Mercy and Beauty of Our Creator? And finally, if we have never learnt or experienced anything, then what will we have to share with others?

So yes, we all have “blue days”. Sometimes we have more “blue days” than any other colour day. Sometimes it seems that the “blue days” just won’t end. Whatever the case is though, we should know that it will pass at some time or the other, even if it takes years, but we should be happy knowing that Inshaa-Allah when it finally passes, then we would have become better people, people closer to the ideal of perfection.

Rumi Said something like the rock needs to be rubbed and polished until it can become the diamond. So even though the rubbing and polishing may seem harsh, the diamond cannot shine without it.

Let’s just hope that we are all able to turn our “blue days” into something valuable, so that rainbows of light can shine when we really need it to.

For all those who may be having “blue days”; I really do hope it passes soon!  

Image from here

The exploits of an amateur vegetable gardener

As I mentioned in my previous post, I recently started doing vegetable gardening. This was a strange thing to do, especially since I have never done gardening before and have always believed that it’s not for me. It’s not that I have a problem getting my hands dirty; I really don’t mind that at all.  It’s just that I am rather impatient in many ways and planting things, and waiting for it to grow; well that takes a lot of patience. Anyway, I figured that planting food was different, since it just seemed much more worthwhile and useful, so I joined my mother and sister and started planting vegetables.

Before I continue I must tell you that this seems like something unnecessary in the City. I mean whenever you need any vegetable all you have to do is go to the supermarket and there you will find rows and rows of vegetables and fruit. Anyway, let’s just say that this was a learning experience.

So I started planting aniseed, I’d read up about the benefits of this plant and thought it would be great to plant. It worked out well. The plant grew, I got some seeds and everything, but it wasn’t one of those everyday things that you need all the time. I was about to abandon my planting at that early stage already, but then something started growing in the sand. At first I thought it was just a weed and I was going to pull it out. Then it grew bigger and bigger. My sister who knows much more about planting vegetables and who has been doing this in her beautiful garden for some time now told me to leave it because it was a tomato tree. I was so amazed, a tomato tree! See I didn’t mean to plant tomatoes, what happened was that we had a tomato that got old and I didn’t want to throw it away so I threw it in the sand thinking that it would at least not be wasted there, and lo and behold, from that one rotten tomato an entire tree grew, with beautiful fresh tomatoes. If this isn’t testimony to the Greatness of Allah then I don’t know what is? SubhanAllah (Glory be to Allah) from one bad tomato Allah gave us so many more beautiful ripe ones, an entire tree grew from that one tomato. The generosity of Allah Almighty is astounding.

It was so nice to have fresh tomatoes at hand. I have never seen such fresh tomatoes. Then there was the lettuce. My sister gave me lettuce seeds and I wondered where the seeds come from because I’ve only ever seen the leaves of the lettuce. Anyway, I planted it and SubhanAllah fresh lovely lettuce grew so easily. The inside leaves were white and crispy. I had so much fun making salads. Each time all I had to do was go out to the garden and get what I needed. When the lettuce leaves were all used up, the lettuce started growing a stalk, and there on the top of the long stalk, guess what developed- the seeds. So my question about that was answered.

I have planted some other stuff which is taking a while to grow, and then there are some things which didn’t grow so well, like my potatoes. But Inshaa-Allah whatever Allah wills to grow will grow.

All this has taught me something very interesting and I know there are people who are going to regard me as someone who is always negative about “modern day life”, but the thing is that City living has taken us away from remembering Allah to a large extent. Growing these vegetables has increased my faith because it has reminded me how Allah is the Creator of everything and how from a small seed a huge plant can grow to sustain life. In watching things grow through stages I could not deny the existence and the wonder of Allah Almighty. This has forced me to focus more on my Creator. This doesn’t happen when you go into a store and buy everything. Just like I had to wonder about the seeds of lettuce, or I didn’t know that a flower grows above ground when you plant potatoes and when the flower dies that’s the time to remove your potatoes from the ground, many people don’t ponder about where vegetables come from, how they grow, what they go through in the different stages of development, how you know when they are ready for consumption, etc. Because things are spoon fed to us, we take it for granted and in the process we miss out.

We miss out on the understanding that Allah Almighty has an absolutely perfect system; not just for the lives of human beings but for every single thing on this earth. When you watch something like a vegetable grow it makes you understand that Allah is our Creator and Allah is our Sustainer. Allah creates and provides each thing with its needs, whether that’s air, water, and sunshine, whatever... It is only Allah who can create and maintain and if we ever attempt to do things on our own then the results will be very poor.

 So yeah; although my brother teases us calling us “farmers”, I have been having a lot of fun planting vegetables. Just because I’m in the City doesn’t mean I can’t farm. I would recommend this for all of you. You don’t even need a garden, you can plant stuff in pot plants and watch what happens. Inshaa-Allah this will teach you some important lessons about life as well.

Lettuce Image from here

My Ramadhaan of Sharing

It’s only a few days after the Blessed month of Ramadhaan has left us, and I have to admit that I really miss it. The peace and serenity, the heightened spirituality of people around you, the sound of the Glorious Quraan, the moderation in eating, drinking and sleeping. Things can just never be the same out of Ramadhaan, no matter what we do. But, nonetheless, we have to be thankful for everything and if we didn’t have this special month and all months were the same then we would never know the difference. Ramadhaan might be over, but Alhamdullillah (Praise be to Allah) the lessons that we have learnt in Ramadhaan can stay with us forever.

This Ramadhaan I found myself having to share, but the sharing that I had to do was very different from what you would expect to share in Ramadhaan. See, my grandmother came to stay with us in the first week of Ramadhaan, and so I found myself having to share, not my food, or money, but my time and space. This type of sharing is something that I think I have taken for granted. I mean, it’s easy to give someone some of your food, or to give them some of your money, but having to give up your comforts and share your space with someone and having to spend time seeing that someone else has all that they need  is a bit of a different story.

So it was that I found that the things I usually take for granted, suddenly appeared to me as real gifts. Whereas usually I am at liberty to spend my time as I want to, now I found that I had to make special time to do the things that I wanted to do. And whereas before my granny arrived, my space was my own, now I had to be mindful of her needs as well. For instance, before using the bathroom I had to make sure that my grandmother didn’t need to use it, and instead of staying up late and reading or doing whatever I usually do, I had to make sure that the lights were out early because being an old lady, my granny had to sleep early. I found that nothing was my own anymore, the prayer mat I usually perform my salaah on was given to my granny so that she could perform her salaah, even my hairbrush was now being shared with my grandmother since she had forgotten to bring her own one with. I have to admit that initially I found it strange to have to share everything , but after a while something strange happened, it didn’t matter anymore, I just stopped caring, Alhamdullillah!

One day we heard the story of a man who hit his son when his son said to him that he would bring “his pillow” for the father. The father hit the son because he told him that nothing in this world belongs to us. This is such an important lesson and Alhamdullillah that I was given a chance to learn it.  The things that I had believed to be mine was actually not mine at all, it had only being given to me through the will of Allah Almighty, and now Allah wanted someone else to make use of it as well, and I had to be thankful for that, because at least Allah had not taken it away from me completely, and besides this was only going to be a temporary situation.

So in addition to this Ramadhaan teaching me how to share, it also taught me how to be grateful for all the comforts and all the ease that I usually have in my life. Also, the price of having to share was a small one to pay when we consider the blessings you get for having guests over and taking care of old people.

So yes, Ramadhaan may be over for this year, but I truly hope that these important lessons I’ve learnt will never leave me. Inshaa Allah.

PS: I apologise for the long dealy, but Inshaa Allah I hope to be starting with my Great Women in Islam posts again very soon.

Image from: http://laughingsquid.com/sharing-is-caring-hd-dvd-hex-code-t-shirt/

The shoes that I really liked

I always find it amazing that we can be reminded of the most important things, through the smallest of things. Sometimes those things that seem routine and insignificant actually teach us the most important lessons of life,  that is of course if we are willing to take heed.

Not too long ago my lesson came through a pair of shoes. I needed to buy a new pair of shoes so as we would all do I went to the shop and took quite a while choosing the correct shoe. After a long time and many different shoes I ended up choosing a shoe which I thought looked really nice on me and I really liked it. When I wore it, I felt good and it sort of gave me an air of confidence (or perhaps if I have to be completely honest I'll admit that it was pride). In any case, it wasn’t even a few weeks that I had it when it broke. The sole came completely loose from the shoe and it needed to be glued together. Prior to that though, the shoe began to damage my toes because it was one of those peep toe styled shoes. So not only was the shoe broken, my poor toes had to bear the brunt of my need to have nice looking shoes as well. I now found myself in a situation where once again I needed to go and buy a new pair of shoes. This time however, I quickly ran into the store, looked for the shoes that would be the most practical, fitted it on and bought it. I suppose you can guess what the results were this time. Although I didn’t feel good every time I wore the shoes, it was fine because it was comfortable and practical, it didn’t hurt my toes and thus far it hasn’t broken or anything.

Ah! Why is it that we need to be taught the same lesson over and over again? In my case I was shown once again that we should not be vain or proud. We should not dress so that we can feel good about ourselves and clothing and shoes should serve its purpose, which is to cover and protect our bodies. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t have nice things, but surely our nice things shouldn’t allow us to feel overconfident and it shouldn’t lead to pride or vanity because then it just ends up been a curse instead of a blessing.

I had to learn my lesson through a simple pair of shoes, and no doubt I will have to learn this lesson again and again, because after all we are human beings, and we are prone to error, but Alhamdullilla for now at least I can say that whenever I see my shoes, it reminds me that life is not about the glitz and the glamour. The best things in life are the simplest things, and likewise I have found that the best people in life are the simplest. I want to be of the best people, I want to be of the simple people. I want to be of the people whose true treasures cannot be seen because it exists within. I guess realising the real purpose of a pair of shoes is a start, at least there's a start and inshaa Allah I will get there someday!

May Allah Almighty guide me and everyone else to always be reminded of what is true, real and meaningful in life, Inshaa Allah.

Image from: http://www.e-potpourri.com/index.php/2008/05/16/marc-jacobs-runway-patent-peep-toe-with-misplaced-heel-bizarre-designer-shoes/