Dedicated Mothers

My sister clutched the article tightly in her hand as she read it; “look at this!” she exclaimed. “Here is this non-Muslim man writing about the benefits of mothers staying at home to care for their children”.


Naturally we all clamoured to see what she was talking about. The article was quite interesting. The man, by the name of Clive Percival, was discussing how important it is for mothers to stay at home with their children. He cited research studies to back up his claim and if I recall correctly he even mentioned how more and more women were beginning to realize that it was better for their children and for themselves if they stayed at home to look after the children. If I had not known better and if the man’s photo was not boldly displayed in his column, I would’ve insisted that this article had been written by a Muslim, his argument sounded so on par with Islamic principles.


My sister was smiling as she finished reading the article. I could see the happiness in her eyes. “Alhamdulila that I made the choice to leave work and stay at home to look after my children”, she was saying. “I’m going to stick this article up on my wall”, she added. And, indeed, the article can be seen on her kitchen wall, nicely framed and everything!

I was thinking back to the days when I was younger. When I’d look forward to going home after school because I knew that I would be welcomed by a warm plate of delicious food, a clean house and of course a smiling mother. Those moments were precious, just knowing that my mother would be at home waiting for me gave me reassurance that I was cared for and loved. Not to mention the fact that it kept me out of trouble as I was always caught out whenever I even tried to do something I wasn’t supposed to be doing! My mother was aware of what was going on in my life because she was always present and played an active role as a parent. That would have been very difficult for her if she could not be around all the time. Who knows what mischief I would have gotten up to!

There was something that made me really sad about this though and it was the fact that these mothers, these amazing women who sacrifice their own wants and needs to be there for their children are given so little regard. I think that it’s even more difficult to be at home with your children all of the time than to go out and work. Now, I’m not saying that women shouldn’t go out and work, there are many women; Muslim and non-Muslim who can’t afford to stay at home. This is understandable and I cannot condemn it. My problem is with people who believe that stay-at-home mothers are less important. There are those people who regard these women as inferior or even oppressed because they do not leave their homes to go and work.


What’s worse is that the fact that these women choose to stay with their children because they believe that it is better for the children, is conveniently ignored. These are the women that should be honoured, the ones that should receive gold medals and certificates of recognition, and with all the fights they have to resolve, these are the women who really deserve to get the Nobel Peace Prize!


These women have the most important job of all; they are responsible for shaping and moulding the future generation. They have to teach their children values and morals, they have to discipline them even when their hearts break to do this, and they have to teach them about loving God, respecting others and to always do what’s right. If anyone thinks this task is an easy one, then they have no idea what they’re talking about, none whatsoever!


And of course once again we see a completely absurd double standard. When a Muslim woman is a stay- at- home mum, then she automatically becomes regarded as oppressed, un-liberated and un-informed. Yet, when a non-Muslim woman makes the exact same choice, she is admired for her sacrifice and dedication to her children and family. Do these double standards make sense to anyone?


So yes, you will come across many Muslim women who have chosen to stay at home and look after their children. Some of them are educated and even have College Diploma’s or University Degree’s, some of them still work from home, others can afford not to. Sometimes they become overwhelmed and feel stressed out, at other times they understand that their sacrifice is important for the well-being of their kids, but it cannot be denied that throughout all this, these women are extremely dedicated and for this they should be rewarded immensely and honoured above anyone else! But the nature of these women is that they would not accept the rewards and honour of people on this earth, because most of them understand that they will be rewarded by their Creator, and as for honour, well this has been granted to them by the One true Creator, Allah Almighty honoured mothers and the Holy Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) taught us about this when he said three times that mothers should be honoured, “Your mother, your mother, your mother, and then your father”.


It’s quite simple, isn’t it, it makes so much sense when you begin to understand, and I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised at all that people don’t get it. After all, everything real and true in this world is certain to be misunderstood.


So to all you mothers out there- let them call you un-liberated, un-educated and oppressed, let them feel pity for you and even insist that you should be out there, in the workplace. Let them talk about how you have to spend your days looking after many children, let them scorn and ridicule you, and let them regard you as inferior! Remember though, that you are the ones who have the most important and most difficult of all jobs, you are the ones who have been elevated, perhaps not in the eyes of people, but in the eyes of the Almighty! You are the ones who will be rewarded when it really matters! And, when you feel like it’s just too much, when your tasks seem overwhelming and your children demand your attention to the point where you feel that you can’t take it any longer, remember that Allah is watching you, and for everything that you continue to do, you will be rewarded! Insha’Allah Ameen.

May Allah (SWT) be with all our dedicated mothers and grant them ease in their tasks, and may they be rewarded in this world and the hereafter!

Image 1 from: istockphoto.com
Image 2 from: lovingmylifeinislam.wordpress.com

Women who help

My first real counselling job was at an Islamic counselling centre in the heart of Johannesburg. This was also the first time that I got to associate with a large group of Muslim women. The experience was one I will never forget. The centre was run only by women, the Director was a woman, the staff members were women and all the volunteers, about 20 of them were women. Perhaps there is nothing remarkable about this, but for me, being someone who did not previously associate with that many Muslim women, it was very inspiring.

Now, I had volunteered at the Campus counselling centre while I was still at university, so I knew a little bit about volunteering, but these women took volunteering to another level! I was definitely not prepared for their dedication and commitment to what they were doing. Each volunteer would come in to the centre once a week on a specified day, and believe it or not, the woman assigned to a certain day would be there, every single week; and when she could not be there she would change days with another volunteer or make some other plan. Besides this, these women always attended meetings, were always there for training sessions, and really enjoyed the social events held by the centre.


The interesting thing was that their commitment and dedication was closely linked to their Islamic identity. These women regarded it as a duty to be helping their fellow Muslims and a form of Ibaadat (worship) and so within this framework, their dedication was completely understandable.


Since then I have had the privilege of meeting and working with many other Muslim women, who selflessly dedicate their time to others, purely for the love of Allah, and still whenever I see this, I am inspired. These types of women inspired me to do my Psychology Master’s Thesis on Muslim women’s groups and whether they empower women within the South African context. The results were interesting, and I was not really surprised when it was revealed that Muslim women do not really fit the Western idea of a truly empowered individual. You see, I think it may have been sad if they had, because this Western idea of empowerment seems to be a very selfish idea, one that focuses on individualism, teaching people that they are more important than anyone else, and this idea does not fit in with the Islamic idea that reminds us that others are just as important as ourselves and that we all have a duty towards each other. No, individual empowerment according to the Western ideal would be undermining the true worth of these selfless and amazing women, who have realized a long time ago that when they help others, (in whatever way they possibly can, whether it’s by giving out sandwiches to the poor waiting in long hospital queues in Johannesburg’s overcrowded public hospitals, or through counselling or teaching and guiding others, or even if it’s just through making an old person happy), when they help others, their own lives become more fulfilled and their connection with Allah becomes stronger.


I will say once again that I feel privileged to have met many such women and the lessons I have learnt from them are invaluable to me. This is the true nature of many Muslim women, selfless, caring, enterprising, dynamic, helpful and dedicated, all for the pleasure of Allah!


May they be rewarded eternally Inshallah Ameen!

Image from: lafayettecountyhealth.org

The poem below is based on my admiration of these women and the inspiration they have given me- so to my Amazing Muslim Sisters- This one's for you!

A Special Kind of Person

There’s a special kind of person,

that’s high above the rest,

for a very simple reason,

and it’s, for others they want the best!

This special kind of person,

cares not about herself,

but wants to share with others,

all the good things of this life.

This special kind of person,

who gives from deep within,

and who’s not afraid to share,

as she is filled with love and care!

This special kind of person,

who opens up her heart,

and who welcomes everyone in,

right from the start.

Now, this special kind of person,

never knows that she is special,

and so it is for us to tell her,

just how much she means to all.

We thank you very much,

for this special kind of person that you are,

and want to tell you truly,

that in our eyes you are a real star!