Book Review- “How to be a Happy Muslim- Insha’Allah”

When reading this book I couldn’t help but approach it from two different perspectives. Firstly, as a counsellor myself I automatically tended to read the book from the perspective of a counsellor. From this viewpoint I can sum this book up as an extremely valuable resource. It is definitely a book that I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend to all my clients. Throughout the book I felt almost as if the author was echoing my own thoughts and speaking my own mind.

What I found the most useful was that the book was written in such a simple and practical manner, there is no room for confusion or misunderstanding. The advice's are so clear and to the point that anyone can read it and implement the skills and lessons brought about, and further useful links to websites, videos and other resources are provided so that the experience of implementing change doesn't have to end with this book. Which brings me to the thing I loved the most about this book. The author takes an active stance instead of a passive/victim one and she encourages everyone to take control of their own lives and their own feelings. Instead of waiting for someone else to do something, she shows people how they need to do something themselves to become happy and she gives them the basic tools with which to do this. If anything, the thing that should be taken away from this book is that happiness (in terms of contentment and inner peace) is not something which only a few people can achieve, it is something attainable for everyone, but it involves some sort of action to be taken in order to maintain it.

In addition, the approach the book takes is holistic and it focuses on all aspects of human functioning and combines the different levels of functioning to show that happiness is a holistic thing in itself. In doing this, it highlights the need for us to view our lives holistically and from there to make the necessary changes on a more meaningful level.

My second approach to reading this book was from a personal level, with the constant awareness that this book applies to me as much as it does to any other person. On this level too, I was not disappointed. With every topic I found myself easily able to apply this to my own life. The thing that stood out for me personally was the discussion on gratitude and focusing on the positive in our lives over the negative. I can vouch that becoming more grateful leads to feelings of contentment and peace and the tools provided in the book to become more grateful and positive was very helpful in emphasizing this. I also found the Happiness Reflections and Happiness Hints to be very beneficial in bringing the topics back to my own life, thereby making the reading of this book a personal experience of reflection and self-understanding.

People often ask me the question, “but how can I become happy?” While reading this book I felt like I was getting a very in-depth answer to that question and I think that the next time I get asked this question, my answer should simply be to recommend them to read How to be a Happy Muslim-Insha’Allah. It is indeed a book which provides solutions to issues that many people are attempting to deal with and I am certain that many others will find it as helpful as I have, Insha’Allah. 

Image from here

You can read more on the author's website here 

How I Came to Love the Veil-(by Yvonne Ridley- Editor and Writer)

I READ THE FOLLOWING ARTICLE ON  ANOTHER BLOG AND JUST HAD TO POST IT HERE BECAUSE IT IS SO APPROPRIATE AND SO BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN ALHAMDULILA!
_________________________________________________________________________________

Politicians and journalists just love to write about the oppression of women in Islam ... without even talking to the females beneath the veil. They simply have no idea how Muslim women are protected and respected within the Islamic framework which was built more than 1400 years ago.


Yet, by writing about cultural issues like child brides, female circumcision, honor killings, and forced marriages, they wrongly believe they are coming from a point of knowledge.


And I am sick of Saudi Arabia being cited as an example of how women are subjugated in a country where they are banned from driving.


The issues above have simply nothing to do with Islam yet they still write and talk about them with an arrogant air of authority while wrongly blaming Islam. Please do not confuse cultural behavior with Islam.

Misinterpretations
I was asked to write about how Islam allows men to beat their wives. Sorry, not true. Yes, I'm sure critics of Islam will quote random Qur'anic verses or hadiths but all are usually taken out of context. If a man does raise a finger to his wife, he is not allowed to leave a mark on her body ... this is another way of the Qur'an saying "Don't beat your wife, stupid."

Now let's take a glance at some really interesting statistics, hmm. I can almost hear the words pot, kettle, black. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, four million American women experience a serious assault by a partner during an average 12-month period.


I was asked to write about how Islam allows men to beat their wives. Sorry, not true.


On the average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands and boyfriends every day ... that is nearly 5,500 women battered to death since 9/11.


Some might say that is a shocking indictment on such a civilized society, but before I sound too smug, I would say that violence against women is a global issue. Violent men do not come in any particular religious or cultural category. The reality is that one out of three women around the world has been beaten, coerced into sex, or otherwise abused during her lifetime. Violence against women transcends religion, wealth, class, skin color, and culture.


Equality Illusion
However, until Islam came on the scene women were treated as inferior beings. In fact we women still have a problem in the West where men think they are superior. This is reflected in our promotion and wages structure right across the spectrum from cleaners to career women who make it into the boardroom.


Western women are still treated as commodities, where sexual slavery is on the rise, disguised under marketing euphemisms, where women's bodies are traded throughout the advertising world. As mentioned before, this is a society where rape, sexual assault, and violence on women are commonplace, a society where the equality between men and women is an illusion, a society where a woman's power or influence is usually only related to the size of her breasts.


I used to look at veiled women as quiet, oppressed creatures and now I look at them as multi-skilled, multi-talented, resilient women whose brand of sisterhood makes Western feminism pale into insignificance. My views changed after the truly terrifying experience of being arrested by the Taliban for sneaking into Afghanistan in September 2001 wearing the bhurka.


During my 10-day captivity I struck a deal that if they let me go I would read the Qur'an and study Islam. Against all the odds, it worked and I was released. In return I kept my word, but as a journalist covering the Middle East I realized I needed to expand my knowledge of a religion which was clearly a way of life.


And no. I'm not a victim of Stockholm Syndrome. To be a victim you have to bond with your captors. During my imprisonment I spat, swore, cursed and abused my jailers as well as refused their food and went on hunger strike. I don't know who was happier when I was released — them or me!


Women in Islam
Reading the Qur'an was, I thought, going to be a very simple academic exercise. I was stunned to discover that it clearly stated women are equal in spirituality, education, and worth. A woman's gift for child birth and child-rearing is very much recognized as a quality and attribute. Muslim women say with pride they are homemakers and housewives.


Furthermore the Prophet (peace be upon him) said that the most important person in the home was The Mother, The Mother, The Mother. In fact he also said that heaven lies at the feet of the mother. How many women make it into the top 100 power lists for simply being a "great mother"?


With Islam, choosing to remain at home and raise children takes on a new dignity and respect in my eyes, similar to those sisters among us who choose to go out to work and have careers and professions.


I then began looking at inheritance, tax, property, and divorce laws. This is where Hollywood divorce lawyers probably get their inspiration from. For instance the woman gets to keep what she earns and owns while the man has to stump up half his worth.


Isn't it funny the way the tabloid media gets very excited over the prospect of some pop or film star's prenuptial wedding agreement? Muslim women have had wedding contracts from day one. They can choose if they want to work or not, and anything they earn is theirs to spend while the husband has to pay for all the household bills and the upkeep of his family.


Just about everything that feminists strived for in the '70s was already available to Muslim women 1400 years ago. As I said, Islam dignifies and brings respect to motherhood and being a wife. If you want to stay at home, stay at home. It is a great honor to be a homemaker and the first educator of your children.


But equally, the Qur'an states if you want to work, then work. Be a career woman, learn a profession, become a politician. Be what you want to be and excel in what you do as a Muslim because everything you do is in praise of Allah (swt).


Business Suit
There is an excessive, almost irritating concentration or focus on the issue of Muslim women's dress particularly by men (both Muslim and non-Muslim).


Yes, it is an obligation for Muslim women to dress modestly but, in addition, there are many other important issues which concern Muslim women today.


And yet everyone obsesses over the hijab. Look, it is part of my business suit. This tells you I am a Muslim and therefore I expect to be treated with respect. Can you imagine if someone told a Wall Street executive or Washington banker to put on a t-shirt and jeans? He would tell you his business suit defines him during work hours, marks him out to be treated seriously.


And yet in Britain we have had the former Foreign Secretary Jack Straw describing the nikab — the face veil revealing only the eyes — as an unwelcome barrier. When, oh when, will men learn to keep their mouths shut over a woman's wardrobe?


We also had Government Ministers Gordon Brown and John Reid express disparaging remarks about the nikab — both these men come from over the Scottish Borders where men wear skirts!!


Then we had a series of other parliamentarians enter the fray describing the nikab as a barrier for communication. What a load of nonsense. If this was the case can anyone explain to me why cell phones, landlines, e-mails, text messaging, and fax machines are in daily use? Who listens to the radio? No one switches off the wireless because they cannot see the face of the presenter.


The majority of sisters I know who choose to wear the nikab are actually white, Western reverts who no longer want the unwelcome attention of those few leering men who will try and confront females and launch into inappropriate behavior. Mind you, there are a couple of London sisters I know who say they wear the nikab at anti-war marches because they can't stand the smell of spliffs.


Last Refuge
I am afraid Islamophobia has become the last refuge of the racist scoundrel. But the cowardly, chauvinistic attacks launched — largely by men — are unacceptable to Muslimahs as well as their secular, female sisters from the left.


I was a feminist for many years and now, as an Islamic feminist, I still promote women's rights. The only difference is Muslim feminists are more radical than their secular counterparts. We all hate those ghastly beauty pageants, and tried to stop laughing when the emergence of Miss Afghanistan in bikini was hailed as a giant leap for women's liberation in Afghanistan.


I've been back to Afghanistan many times and I can tell you there are no career women emerging from the rubble in Kabul. My Afghan sisters say they wish the West would drop its obsession with the bhurka. "Don't try turning me into a career woman, get my husband a job first. Show me how I can send my children to school without fear of them being kidnapped. Give me security and bread on the table," one sister told me.


Young feminist Muslimahs see the hijab and the nikab as political symbols as well as a religious requirement. Some say it is their way of showing the world they reject the excesses of Western lifestyles such as binge drinking, casual sex, drug-taking, etc.


Superiority in Islam is accomplished through piety, not beauty, wealth, power, position or sex.


Liberation of Islam
Now you tell me what is more liberating. Being judged on the length of your skirt and the size of your cosmetically enhanced breasts, or being judged on your character, mind, and intelligence?


Glossy magazines tell us as women that unless we are tall, slim, and beautiful we will be unloved and unwanted. The pressure on teenage magazine readers to have a boyfriend is almost obscene.


Islam tells me that I have a right to an education and it is my duty to go out and seek knowledge whether I am single or married.


Nowhere in the framework of Islam are we told as women that we must do washing, cleaning, or cooking for men — but it is not just Muslim men who need to re-evaluate women in their home. Check out this 1992 exerpt from a Pat Robertson speech revealing his views on empowered women. And then you tell me who is civilized and who is not.


He said, "FEMINISM ENCOURAGES WOMEN TO LEAVE THEIR HUSBANDS, KILL THEIR CHILDREN, PRACTICE WITCHCRAFT, DESTROY CAPITALISM AND BECOME LESBIANS."


Here is an American man living in a pre-Islamic age who needs to modernize and civilize. People like him are wearing a veil and we need to tear that veil of bigotry away so people can see Islam for what it is.


Posted by E ISLAM at 10:28 PM
Wednesday, March 3, 2010


Jazakallah Khair to E-Islam for posting this!

Dedicated Mothers

My sister clutched the article tightly in her hand as she read it; “look at this!” she exclaimed. “Here is this non-Muslim man writing about the benefits of mothers staying at home to care for their children”.


Naturally we all clamoured to see what she was talking about. The article was quite interesting. The man, by the name of Clive Percival, was discussing how important it is for mothers to stay at home with their children. He cited research studies to back up his claim and if I recall correctly he even mentioned how more and more women were beginning to realize that it was better for their children and for themselves if they stayed at home to look after the children. If I had not known better and if the man’s photo was not boldly displayed in his column, I would’ve insisted that this article had been written by a Muslim, his argument sounded so on par with Islamic principles.


My sister was smiling as she finished reading the article. I could see the happiness in her eyes. “Alhamdulila that I made the choice to leave work and stay at home to look after my children”, she was saying. “I’m going to stick this article up on my wall”, she added. And, indeed, the article can be seen on her kitchen wall, nicely framed and everything!

I was thinking back to the days when I was younger. When I’d look forward to going home after school because I knew that I would be welcomed by a warm plate of delicious food, a clean house and of course a smiling mother. Those moments were precious, just knowing that my mother would be at home waiting for me gave me reassurance that I was cared for and loved. Not to mention the fact that it kept me out of trouble as I was always caught out whenever I even tried to do something I wasn’t supposed to be doing! My mother was aware of what was going on in my life because she was always present and played an active role as a parent. That would have been very difficult for her if she could not be around all the time. Who knows what mischief I would have gotten up to!

There was something that made me really sad about this though and it was the fact that these mothers, these amazing women who sacrifice their own wants and needs to be there for their children are given so little regard. I think that it’s even more difficult to be at home with your children all of the time than to go out and work. Now, I’m not saying that women shouldn’t go out and work, there are many women; Muslim and non-Muslim who can’t afford to stay at home. This is understandable and I cannot condemn it. My problem is with people who believe that stay-at-home mothers are less important. There are those people who regard these women as inferior or even oppressed because they do not leave their homes to go and work.


What’s worse is that the fact that these women choose to stay with their children because they believe that it is better for the children, is conveniently ignored. These are the women that should be honoured, the ones that should receive gold medals and certificates of recognition, and with all the fights they have to resolve, these are the women who really deserve to get the Nobel Peace Prize!


These women have the most important job of all; they are responsible for shaping and moulding the future generation. They have to teach their children values and morals, they have to discipline them even when their hearts break to do this, and they have to teach them about loving God, respecting others and to always do what’s right. If anyone thinks this task is an easy one, then they have no idea what they’re talking about, none whatsoever!


And of course once again we see a completely absurd double standard. When a Muslim woman is a stay- at- home mum, then she automatically becomes regarded as oppressed, un-liberated and un-informed. Yet, when a non-Muslim woman makes the exact same choice, she is admired for her sacrifice and dedication to her children and family. Do these double standards make sense to anyone?


So yes, you will come across many Muslim women who have chosen to stay at home and look after their children. Some of them are educated and even have College Diploma’s or University Degree’s, some of them still work from home, others can afford not to. Sometimes they become overwhelmed and feel stressed out, at other times they understand that their sacrifice is important for the well-being of their kids, but it cannot be denied that throughout all this, these women are extremely dedicated and for this they should be rewarded immensely and honoured above anyone else! But the nature of these women is that they would not accept the rewards and honour of people on this earth, because most of them understand that they will be rewarded by their Creator, and as for honour, well this has been granted to them by the One true Creator, Allah Almighty honoured mothers and the Holy Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) taught us about this when he said three times that mothers should be honoured, “Your mother, your mother, your mother, and then your father”.


It’s quite simple, isn’t it, it makes so much sense when you begin to understand, and I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised at all that people don’t get it. After all, everything real and true in this world is certain to be misunderstood.


So to all you mothers out there- let them call you un-liberated, un-educated and oppressed, let them feel pity for you and even insist that you should be out there, in the workplace. Let them talk about how you have to spend your days looking after many children, let them scorn and ridicule you, and let them regard you as inferior! Remember though, that you are the ones who have the most important and most difficult of all jobs, you are the ones who have been elevated, perhaps not in the eyes of people, but in the eyes of the Almighty! You are the ones who will be rewarded when it really matters! And, when you feel like it’s just too much, when your tasks seem overwhelming and your children demand your attention to the point where you feel that you can’t take it any longer, remember that Allah is watching you, and for everything that you continue to do, you will be rewarded! Insha’Allah Ameen.

May Allah (SWT) be with all our dedicated mothers and grant them ease in their tasks, and may they be rewarded in this world and the hereafter!

Image 1 from: istockphoto.com
Image 2 from: lovingmylifeinislam.wordpress.com

Women who help

My first real counselling job was at an Islamic counselling centre in the heart of Johannesburg. This was also the first time that I got to associate with a large group of Muslim women. The experience was one I will never forget. The centre was run only by women, the Director was a woman, the staff members were women and all the volunteers, about 20 of them were women. Perhaps there is nothing remarkable about this, but for me, being someone who did not previously associate with that many Muslim women, it was very inspiring.

Now, I had volunteered at the Campus counselling centre while I was still at university, so I knew a little bit about volunteering, but these women took volunteering to another level! I was definitely not prepared for their dedication and commitment to what they were doing. Each volunteer would come in to the centre once a week on a specified day, and believe it or not, the woman assigned to a certain day would be there, every single week; and when she could not be there she would change days with another volunteer or make some other plan. Besides this, these women always attended meetings, were always there for training sessions, and really enjoyed the social events held by the centre.


The interesting thing was that their commitment and dedication was closely linked to their Islamic identity. These women regarded it as a duty to be helping their fellow Muslims and a form of Ibaadat (worship) and so within this framework, their dedication was completely understandable.


Since then I have had the privilege of meeting and working with many other Muslim women, who selflessly dedicate their time to others, purely for the love of Allah, and still whenever I see this, I am inspired. These types of women inspired me to do my Psychology Master’s Thesis on Muslim women’s groups and whether they empower women within the South African context. The results were interesting, and I was not really surprised when it was revealed that Muslim women do not really fit the Western idea of a truly empowered individual. You see, I think it may have been sad if they had, because this Western idea of empowerment seems to be a very selfish idea, one that focuses on individualism, teaching people that they are more important than anyone else, and this idea does not fit in with the Islamic idea that reminds us that others are just as important as ourselves and that we all have a duty towards each other. No, individual empowerment according to the Western ideal would be undermining the true worth of these selfless and amazing women, who have realized a long time ago that when they help others, (in whatever way they possibly can, whether it’s by giving out sandwiches to the poor waiting in long hospital queues in Johannesburg’s overcrowded public hospitals, or through counselling or teaching and guiding others, or even if it’s just through making an old person happy), when they help others, their own lives become more fulfilled and their connection with Allah becomes stronger.


I will say once again that I feel privileged to have met many such women and the lessons I have learnt from them are invaluable to me. This is the true nature of many Muslim women, selfless, caring, enterprising, dynamic, helpful and dedicated, all for the pleasure of Allah!


May they be rewarded eternally Inshallah Ameen!

Image from: lafayettecountyhealth.org

The poem below is based on my admiration of these women and the inspiration they have given me- so to my Amazing Muslim Sisters- This one's for you!

A Special Kind of Person

There’s a special kind of person,

that’s high above the rest,

for a very simple reason,

and it’s, for others they want the best!

This special kind of person,

cares not about herself,

but wants to share with others,

all the good things of this life.

This special kind of person,

who gives from deep within,

and who’s not afraid to share,

as she is filled with love and care!

This special kind of person,

who opens up her heart,

and who welcomes everyone in,

right from the start.

Now, this special kind of person,

never knows that she is special,

and so it is for us to tell her,

just how much she means to all.

We thank you very much,

for this special kind of person that you are,

and want to tell you truly,

that in our eyes you are a real star!

So...what’s it really like to be a Muslim woman?

The media seems to know, all types of books from novels, to academic books claim to know...in fact, now that I think of it, it seems everyone these days knows what’s it like to be a Muslim woman!


We’ve heard it all, all the opinions, the theories, discussions and discourses, the comments about Muslim women. What we don’t hear often enough though is what a Muslim woman thinks it’s like to be a Muslim woman. Ironic, isn’t it?


It can become extremely frustrating listening to these people. I can’t help thinking, ‘Oh gosh! Not another person who doesn’t have a clue what it’s like to be a Muslim woman, talking about Muslim woman’. I mean, seriously, could you imagine what it would be like if I went around talking about, I don’t know, say, what it’s like to be a European male, when I have absolutely no idea what it’s like at all. It would be ridiculous right? People would question what makes me an expert in the field and they would undoubtedly argue that I cannot possibly know what it’s like to be a European male.


So why the double standard when it comes to talking about Muslim women?


Yes, sure it can be argued that research has been done on the issue and thus people are given leeway to talk. I have to agree that there is some research that is accurate, but surely every person talking about Muslim woman today has not taken the time to make an intense inquiry and rigorous examination into this topic before talking about it. It would be impossible for every person to do this given the fact that it’s extremely time consuming, costs quite a bit of money and requires the proper expertise.


So, does the saleslady in the shop who had to mention to my sister how sorry she feels for Muslim women wearing the headscarf, all the while abusing the word “shame”, qualify to make statements about us? Or, do the group of men who had to comment on my friends complete Islamic attire as we walked passed them in the shopping centre qualify to make statements about us? Have these people dedicated time to learning about the lives of Muslim women by spending time with us, or have they even just bothered to ask us our opinion? I think not!


So, what’s it really like to be a Muslim woman? Well, for starters, it’s really frustrating that we have to hear everyone and anyone talking about us like they’re experts in the field. What’s more frustrating is that they’ve got it all wrong! And it’s irritating that they hardly ever come to us to ask us what we think or how we feel, instead they’ve just taken it upon themselves to “liberate” us, when we don’t even want the “liberation” they’re offering. And, while we have come to love the way we dress because this makes us feel closer to our Creator, they’ve decided to take up issue with it, expecting it to be natural for us to want to shed the clothing that we’ve come to love. And what’s worse is that even when we try to speak to them, when we try to show them that we are educated and intelligent and perfectly capable of engaging in conversation with them, they turn their backs on us, and hear only what they want to!


So, I think it’s time we speak for ourselves, and so I’m saying with absolute conviction (and I promise you, no male oppressor is holding a gun to my head forcing me to say positive things about being Muslim), - so on my own accord I’m stating that I absolutely love being a Muslim woman! I love the clothes I have chosen to wear and when I go out in the street it makes me feel good to know that I don’t have to bother about males staring at me in the wrong way. I love the headscarf covering my hair, and I enjoy choosing which colour I’m going to wear with which outfit. I love that my religion, Islam, has afforded me enough respect and honour to insist that I be treated as a human being, and not an object of male desire. I love that people address me with respect, Muslims as their sister and non-Muslims as a virtuous woman. I love that I don’t have to go out and work because the males in my family know that it’s their duty to provide for me; at the same time, I love that I can go out and work because as a Muslim woman I am respectful of myself and others and I will thus behave in a fitting manner. I love that as a Muslim I am encouraged to gain knowledge in all areas as far as I possibly can. There are many things that I love about being a Muslim woman, but the thing I love the most is that owning up to my identity as a Muslim woman has brought me closer to my Creator, and in that way I am beginning to learn what true love is all about.

www.hickerphoto.comAdmitting that I am a Muslim woman, a Muslim woman in this time when all eyes are on us, makes me feel happy because being a Muslim woman is really not about dressing in a certain manner, or staying indoors, or whatever else people have reduced it to. Being a Muslim woman is about being a whole person, a person who can find harmony between her spiritual and physical self, a person who knows that her intellect is as important as her outside beauty. I have not chosen to be a Muslim woman, I was fortunate enough to be born a Muslimah, but I have chosen to assert my identity as a Muslim woman, and if I was to choose again, I’d make the same choice, over and over and over again, because being a Muslim woman is simply marvellous and anyone who disagrees with me has either not understood Islam properly, or have been unfortunate enough to be around people who have not understood Islam properly.

So, there it is- a simple answer to what has seemingly become a very complicated question. What’s it really like to be a Muslim woman? ... In one word- It’s Great! (Alhamdulila- Thanks to Allah)

If you really want to see how it’s possible for me to say this, then keep reading this blog, I pray that eventually you begin to understand!