What’s right in the world?

There are many things wrong with the world today, we all know this, we incessantly tend to focus on all that is wrong. The news reminds us daily of all that is wrong, there seems to be no running away from the myriad of things that are wrong in this world, but let’s forget that for today, even if it is only for a short while, instead, let us look at what is right in this world!

Yes, there is the flipside to every coin, and just because we don’t often turn the coin around, it doesn’t mean that the other side ceases to exist. In fact, the more we look for things that are right, the more we will begin to see it, all around us, everywhere.

Take for instance the hardworking team of aid workers when a natural disaster strikes. People who work relentlessly just to save other people’s lives when they could have been sitting back comfortably.

What about those people who stand up for injustice, even if it costs them their reputation, their jobs and more.

Then there are those simple occurrences, like the stranger who offers some kind words, or the person who wants to help ease the burden when there is nothing in it for them, or the lady in the queue who happily allows you to go before her, or the cashier in the supermarket who advices you to buy the product that is on special because you will gain more.  

What about the mother who treats her children with love and kindness, endlessly sacrificing so that her family is happy? What about good friends who share in each other’s burdens and worries? What about the concern that a community feels when something happens to one of its members? 

Of course I cannot forget what I think is the biggest thing that is right in this world, and that is the worship of The One True Lord. Without the awareness and worship of the Creator, everything in the world would be wrong. Now I know there are people who blame religion for all that is wrong in the world, but I obviously disagree with that assertion. For me, personally, being able to develop a connection with Almighty Allah has been the biggest positive thing in my life and this is what has made me more intent on becoming a better person. This is also what has made it easier for me to seek out the good in life in general and in other people. So it definitely goes down as the biggest thing that is right in the world!

May Almighty Allah guide us to always focus on the positive instead of the negative!

In Tribute to a Great Woman

 Wednesday 24^th June 2015 was a sad day for my family and I. This was the day my grandmother passed away. Alhamdulillah (Praise be to Allah), she was fortunate to pass away in the most Blessed month of Ramadhaan, and she was peaceful at her home, in her own bed. But naturally, her passing has left an open gap in our lives and we will miss her dearly.

My grandmother has left behind a legacy though, she did not do big things in her life, she was not famous, nor popular outside of her community, but her legacy is an important one, this is why I needed to share it.

At 85 years old my grandmother had obviously lived a full life. Don’t be mistaken, it was a life of trials and tribulations. Despite this though, she was always smiling, always happy and always ready to make the next person smile. She forgave easily and never held grudges and she had this talent for making every individual feel special. She genuinely cared about the well-being of others. For many of us, we will remember her jolliness, she loved telling jokes and singing old songs and rhymes. Most of all, she was always positive about everything, she didn’t dwell on problems, or become depressed, in fact she seemed to have mastered positive psychology long before the discipline was even established.

My earliest memories that stand out was when she would stay over with us and I would pray salaah next to her as a young child. I remember her reprimanding me for jumping off the prayer mat quickly, and she would tell me to sit a little while longer and make a small duaa (prayer).  And still at the age of 85, she was concerned about praying her salaah, she would get up in the early morning hours to make sure she performs her Fajr salaah, even in the cold, on Fridays she would stress out from early on in the morning to make sure that she had bathed and got ready for prayers early, she was fortunate enough to understand the importance of salaah, even when she became confused about what she needed to be reciting, and I wish that if I ever reach that age, I too will follow this example.

My grandmother's zest for life was remarkable, even when she was old and sick she looked forward to seeing people and socializing. She always wanted to look her best, and would always add some bling to her outfits. I remember when she was in hospital in Makkah a few years ago, she asked us to bring her eye pencil and joked that she didn't want to look like a sick chicken. I used to laugh at the fact that her social life was much more exciting than mine, and undoubtedly, my dressing and appearance was way too simple in comparison to hers. A woman full of life and joy, this was my grandmother. 

My grandmother has passed away, but her strength and positivity will live on, and the example she set as a strong an independent Muslim woman will not be forgotten.

I pray that Allah Almighty grants her the highest stages of Jannah (Paradise) and that she is in peace! Ameen. 

Image from here 

Book Review- “How to be a Happy Muslim- Insha’Allah”

When reading this book I couldn’t help but approach it from two different perspectives. Firstly, as a counsellor myself I automatically tended to read the book from the perspective of a counsellor. From this viewpoint I can sum this book up as an extremely valuable resource. It is definitely a book that I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend to all my clients. Throughout the book I felt almost as if the author was echoing my own thoughts and speaking my own mind.

What I found the most useful was that the book was written in such a simple and practical manner, there is no room for confusion or misunderstanding. The advice's are so clear and to the point that anyone can read it and implement the skills and lessons brought about, and further useful links to websites, videos and other resources are provided so that the experience of implementing change doesn't have to end with this book. Which brings me to the thing I loved the most about this book. The author takes an active stance instead of a passive/victim one and she encourages everyone to take control of their own lives and their own feelings. Instead of waiting for someone else to do something, she shows people how they need to do something themselves to become happy and she gives them the basic tools with which to do this. If anything, the thing that should be taken away from this book is that happiness (in terms of contentment and inner peace) is not something which only a few people can achieve, it is something attainable for everyone, but it involves some sort of action to be taken in order to maintain it.

In addition, the approach the book takes is holistic and it focuses on all aspects of human functioning and combines the different levels of functioning to show that happiness is a holistic thing in itself. In doing this, it highlights the need for us to view our lives holistically and from there to make the necessary changes on a more meaningful level.

My second approach to reading this book was from a personal level, with the constant awareness that this book applies to me as much as it does to any other person. On this level too, I was not disappointed. With every topic I found myself easily able to apply this to my own life. The thing that stood out for me personally was the discussion on gratitude and focusing on the positive in our lives over the negative. I can vouch that becoming more grateful leads to feelings of contentment and peace and the tools provided in the book to become more grateful and positive was very helpful in emphasizing this. I also found the Happiness Reflections and Happiness Hints to be very beneficial in bringing the topics back to my own life, thereby making the reading of this book a personal experience of reflection and self-understanding.

People often ask me the question, “but how can I become happy?” While reading this book I felt like I was getting a very in-depth answer to that question and I think that the next time I get asked this question, my answer should simply be to recommend them to read How to be a Happy Muslim-Insha’Allah. It is indeed a book which provides solutions to issues that many people are attempting to deal with and I am certain that many others will find it as helpful as I have, Insha’Allah. 

Image from here

You can read more on the author's website here 

Why I think fashion is oppressive

I might as well admit from the onset that my relationship with fashion has been a rocky one. It started out when I wanted to know fashion and I tried hard to embrace it and follow it, perhaps even understand it, but a long time ago this relationship ended, it just wasn’t sustainable, and it left me saddened and perhaps even on the verge of depression many times because I couldn’t live up to its standards. Then I came to the important realization, I am better off without fashion, because indeed fashion is oppressive and stifling! Let me tell you what makes me say this.

You see, I believe that while the clothes we wear can never define us, when we naturally choose what we want to wear, based on our likes and dislikes, then what we wear reflects our personality. When there are no restrictions, people tend to choose clothes that they really like, and this usually tells a lot about each unique individual’s personality. Someone may choose to wear long flowy dresses or skirts because that makes them feel good, or someone else may choose to wear tailored pants because they feel the most comfortable in it. In the same way, one woman may love wearing heels while another will never feel comfortable unless her shoes are flats. This diversity in choice allows us to choose according to our preferences and these preferences say a lot about our personalities.

So where does fashion fit in?

Well, fashion comes along and begins to tell us exactly what we should be wearing. It dictates to us that skinny jeans looks much better than baggy jeans, it tells us that the clothes we like are “so last season”. It chooses the type of shoes we should be wearing. It tells us what colours to wear, what accessories to match it up with, it even tells us what shops to buy our clothes at. And if we think we are special we will soon see that we are wrong, because fashion doesn’t consider our individual preferences or even what we feel comfortable in, fashion doesn’t care if we prefer skirts to pants, or whether we love flowing clothes instead of tailored clothes, no, fashion goes around dictating the same thing to every single woman, based on what fashion thinks is “in”,  until eventually we all begin to look the way fashion wants us to and fashions dreams of the perfect attire are realized.

Sounds a bit crazy doesn’t it? Yet that’s exactly what happens, and the odd thing is if someone really came about and told us exactly what to wear we would probably kick them out of our houses.

Now, before you think this doesn’t apply to Muslim women who have decided to wear abaya’s or cloaks or jilbaab (depending on what you refer to the clothes as). Let me tell you it applies just as much. If you think that Muslim women’s clothes are just pieces of black material sewn together to cover them then you are so wrong. Let me tell you, there are “in fashion” abayas and “out of fashion” ones, and there is such a thing as that headscarf that is “so last season”. Oh, and let me not forget the designer name brand cloaks, abayas, and hijabs, yes people, fashion hasn’t ignored Muslim women, and its role as the oppressor is exactly the same for Muslim women as it is for any other woman.

But wait, there’s more…

The most oppressive thing about fashion is how it makes us women feel. See, fashion uses perfect women as its models, and it forgets to tell us that only a very small percentage of us will ever look like these perfect women. So we strive and yearn to look like fashion’s models and when the things they model to us don’t exactly look right on us we don’t criticize fashion’s tastes, instead we blame ourselves. We use all kinds of labels against ourselves as we strive to follow what fashion wants us to, and we don’t stop to think that maybe we are fine the way we are and the problem actually lies with fashion!

So, my advice to all ladies would be, get out while you can!

It doesn’t matter if your style is “out of fashion” or “last season”, if it’s what you are comfortable in then that should be good enough. So what if you have been wearing the same shoes for the past two years. Who cares if no one else still wears the type of headscarf you are wearing? What’s the problem if the dress you are wearing looks like it belongs in the 1980s. Make your choices yourself, don’t allow fashion to dictate to you. I don’t know about you, but if I attempted to wear skinny jeans I would probably drop dead within minutes due to lack of being able to breathe properly! 

Image from here 

The Best of All Creations

One of the most beautiful things to witness is true and positive human change. Alhamdulillah (Praise be to Allah) yesterday I had the opportunity to witness this again and it has left me humbled and in awe of how amazing Allah has created human beings. Indeed, it is the truth that humans are the Best of All Creations.

As I sat and listened to a group of Muslim Sisters share their experiences of growth and change I was reminded of the vast human potential that Allah has given us. It reminded me that we do not have to allow circumstances to shape us and neither do we need to remain stuck in a state of negativity. We have the ability to change and grow and become human beings who can contribute to others lives in a meaningful way.

It also allowed me to contemplate on what true empowerment really is and I’ve come to the conclusion that empowerment is not about getting what you want despite everyone else. It’s not about comparing yourself with anyone else and then deciding that you need to be equal. True empowerment according to my understanding is being so happy and content with yourself that you do not need to compare yourself with anyone, nor do you need to demand any rights. A truly empowered person understands that she is not more important than anyone else, that if she puts others before herself and if she gives to others then she will gain more than they do. A truly empowered person is the person who has the ability to admit to her mistakes, to understand her weaknesses, to accept the circumstances that she cannot change and to remain positive even in the worst situations of negativity. This may sound impossible, but Alhamdullillah yesterday once again reaffirmed to me that this is in fact not impossible at all.

I thank Allah Almighty for giving me the chance to witness the beauty of human beings becoming better people, this gives me a feeling I cannot properly explain, but it mostly it makes me understand the magnificence of the Ultimate Creator. Allah Almighty has made us the best of creations, we need to make sure we live up to that!