What is a powerful woman?

While driving on the highway yesterday a billboard caught my attention. It was advertising some TV show called “The Queen” (If I read correctly while zooming past). The image is what stuck with me. At the head of a board room table sat a woman, presumably the “Queen”, and around the table sat all her subjects, the men. The woman at the head represented a conceptualization of the “powerful woman”. She was dressed in a black business suit, hair cut short, poised in a manly stance, clearly in control and dominant.

So what’s the problem with that?  You may very well be thinking this right now.

And the problem the way I see it is this. In order for a woman to be regarded as “powerful” or “in control” she has to basically become like a man. She has to dress like a man (the black business suit), cut her hair like a man (short and cropped) and take on the stance of a man. Somehow it just wouldn’t seem suitable if the “Queen” in this image sported for instance, long hair, wore ,say a floral summer dress or if she was dressed in pink (not that I’m an advocate for pink but in any case) and sat in a feminine posture. If this was the case, the woman would not be taken seriously, or would she?

So what are we saying exactly? Are we saying that the only way a woman can be dominant or can be taken seriously is if she becomes like a man?  I may be wrong here, but doesn’t that go against the basic principles of empowerment? 

It appears as if a woman has to give up everything that defines her womanhood if she is to become powerful or dominant. There is no time for things like motherhood, or marriage. She cannot afford to be soft or feminine, petite and quiet. Nope, she has to be bold and dominant and aggressiveness may be her most treasured trait.

Tell me, how does it make sense to limit women in this way? 

Surely the concept of power has to be vaster than this.

Isn’t a woman “powerful” when she takes on the role of a nurturing mother, or a caring teacher?  Does she not have “power” or “control” when she supports her husband or runs her family?  Can she not be an adviser, a confidante, a friend, and yes even a “boss” if she decides to wear a dress or grow her hair?  Does she automatically become weak and vulnerable if she is soft and feminine?  Does she have to give up all notions of femininity before she can be respected and taken seriously?

So what do we base our ideas of power and control on?  Do we simply follow the standards set by men, the very men who we claim have been given unfair advantage for years. Or do we gain power and control in new ways, and in different ways, and in ways that do not require us to change ourselves completely. Ways that do not discard ‘womanly’ traits.  

These are simply just my musings. There are so many contradictions in the world it would take me too long to discuss them all. Nonetheless, I just found this to be relevant. Maybe it’s something we can all ponder about. 

So I leave you with this question: 

What really makes a woman “powerful”? 

The creation of false hierarchies

It seems that it’s a natural tendency of human beings to create false hierarchies, placing people on levels according to their perceived importance. Unfortunately these hierarchies are usually based on material things and many times people are given status not because they deserve it, but because of titles which have somehow come to represent power and of course money.

I find it odd that people will suddenly start treating me differently when they find out that I have studied psychology. I’ve heard things like, “oh we didn’t know that you were so educated”, or “oh why didn’t you tell us that you are a psychologist?” And then suddenly they start treating me like I deserve to be listened to, and somehow my words are automatically given credibility. Many times I have wished that people didn’t find out about the degrees I studied or the work that I do. That way I would know what they really think of me, not as a so-called professional but as a human being.

People do that all the time, somehow people with professional careers have come to occupy the higher ranks of the hierarchy. This is why our travel agent was so insistent to get flight bookings for a doctor on our recent trip for umrah. While the rest of the people had to wait patiently, the doctor’s arrangements were made first priority (and no the doctor was not going there to help others it was his family umrah trip).  Likewise, professional people’s children are treated better at schools and somehow it’s believed that they naturally have higher status.

I often wonder how all this began. It just seems so ridiculously superficial to me. What prompts us to create these hierarchies based on things that don’t even matter? It seems that it’s all about the perception of power and status. Somehow going to university and obtaining a degree ceased to be about gaining knowledge and expertise, and began to be about power and status, and of course the more high paying your career is, the better.

This reminds me of when I first started university. People in first year have a tendency to ask each other what they are studying and so on. On more than one occasion I got the quizzical look when I said I was studying psychology. “But why, there’s no scope for psychology and there’s no money in it?” Was the response I’d get from some people. That was the first time I realized that studying, like many things in life, has lost its purpose and these days it’s more about earning status than it is about gaining knowledge.

Somehow people have managed to label most things in life according to these false labels of status and power. In the same way, people have created false hierarchies, placing at the top those with more “status”, “power” and not forgetting more money.

What type of hierarchy would we have though if we based it on human values, morals, etiquettes and so on? We’d probably find a reverse hierarchy, with those people who are currently undervalued right there on the top. The teacher for instance would hold a higher position than the businessman, the cleaners would be given a much higher level than what they currently occupy and of course, the mothers or caregivers would be somewhere right at the top.

Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying here that doctors or other professionals don’t have value. However, I believe that value should be given based on actions, and not mere perceptions of status. I also believe that people should be treated fairly and equally no matter who their parents are. The problem with these false ideas of power and status is that it takes away the true value of things and replaces it with falsity. So for instance, instead of someone wanting to become a doctor because they have a genuine need to help others, people then begin to want to study medicine because of the prestige it would bring them and that’s how the essence of things get lost.

The question I have is this- why does there have to be societal hierarchies in the first place? Why can’t people all be valued intrinsically, why do we have to have titles and labels assigned to us? Why can’t we trust that words uttered by genuine people, whether they have a degree behind their name or not? Why can’t we see beyond all the physical barriers and accept each other for who we are instead of what we are?

Sometimes the way the world has become just really irritates me, it reminds me that we are currently in battle, we are battling the forces of negativity and falsity and we cannot afford to relax and stop fighting, because there has to be some people fighting for good.

I pray that Almighty Allah helps us to see the good in others, no matter who they are, to gain benefit from those who Allah has bestowed with real knowledge, no matter who they are, and to treat everyone fairly and equally, no matter who they are. May we have respect for those who deserve to be respected, the ones who have sacrificed their lives to bring about goodness and real knowledge, and may we be of those who shun falsity wherever we may see it, Inshaa Allah!  

Image 1 from hereImage 2 from here 

In Dedication to Our Great Mother- Khadija (May Allah Be Please with her)

The first person to embrace Islam, When the message came she was level-headed and calm,
She was a comfort and a guide,
As she stood firmly by the Prophet’s (PBUH) side.

A businesswoman of the highest calibre,
Her example shows us women can be clever,
She handled affairs with wisdom and ease,
This amazing mother of the believers was a model of strength, a perfect breeze.

Her strength was known to all,
In times of hardship she stood tall,
Her wisdom was so clear,
To the prophet (PBUH) she was very dear.

She recognized his good character,
And soon sent representatives to sort out the matter,
Their marriage was a perfect example for us all,
Their love and support made them stronger than a brick wall.

Oh Khadija! Our blessed and beloved mother,
You surely had a different kind of power,
It was not used to dominate,
Only love and warmth did it generate.

There’s so much that we need to learn from you,
Our model of beauty and all that is true,
You had no need to change the roles,
A power struggle there was none of, even though you were so bold.

Your life will always be an example for us,
A true depiction, with no worry or fuss,
The perfect Muslim woman,
Striving and pleasing for the sake of Allah!

In these times when females fight to get ahead,
When the battle of power is so evident,
Your story shines through and teaches so much,
And we understand what true female strength is all about.

Your example is our shining light,
There’s no need for us to emulate,
All the fake role models they want us to follow,
Who we know will only bring us sorrow!

With the help of our Creator,
We will use your life as our shelter,
The lessons we learn from you will protect us,
Our beloved, our mother, we remember you fondly!
May Allah unite us in Paradise!

Image from: ericyang.wordpress.com/.../22/finding-the-light/