I was just wondering, does anyone else find it strange that men today care more about their appearance than women do? Seriously, men can be seen in hair salons, going for facials, waxing and even manicures and pedicures sometimes. The new idea of “the perfect man” is someone who is clean shaven and beautiful; with perfect hair and skin; Then I don’t have to tell you what the new idea of “the perfect woman “is, do I? Well the new idea of what a woman should be like is the ultra-tough woman, who’s either out in the career world asserting her power and status, or driving her kids around in a 4x4, never hesitating to show everyone who’s in charge. Whatever the role is, it doesn’t matter, as long women of today are not soft, petite and feminine.
Now, I know that there are many people who would just want to kill me for even writing this. I remember when I was doing my psychology undergraduate degree. One of the important arguments we used to have was about the socialization of males and females. Our lecturers would argue adamantly that it’s not natural for girls to want to play with dolls and for boys to want to play with cars. Instead, according to them children are socialized into these roles from a very young age based on old traditional values of their parents. I could never agree with this argument 100%, some things were true but as a Muslim I know that Allah has created men and women differently and we are supposed to be living out our natural roles in order for harmony to prevail in society.
Of course this does not mean that one role is better than the other or that our different roles make some of us more superior than the others. No, Allah Almighty has told us that men and women are equal in the sight of Allah and the only thing that differentiates people is their piety. On a social, functional level however, we cannot all play the same role because then we’d just have chaos, which is pretty much what is happening in today’s time, although very few people are actually willing to admit to this.
So what happens when the men in society are over concerned about looking good; when they compete for who is the “sexier man”, and who has the better hairstyle, and whose skin is softer and glows more? It’s a complete reversal of everything and as a woman I am left wondering where that leaves us. I mean honestly, who wants to be around a man who spends more time making himself look good than you do?
And I could even take this discussion further by talking about men’s clothing. I remember a while ago I was walking in a department store and looking at the “men’s” clothing I couldn’t help but think that their clothing looked much prettier than the clothing they had in the women’s section. I’m not even joking here, it’s really true. They had these cotton tops with embroidery on it, for men, and really nice fitting pants, not to mention some of the shirts they sell. It really was weird.
So yeah, I guess that’s just the way things are today, but I like being feminine and soft, I like wearing pretty clothes and I’d really prefer to be the one taking longer to make myself look good. As for men, well in my opinion they should look like men. The “metrosexual male” doesn’t really appeal to me. I’m not saying men shouldn’t be well groomed, clean and neat, after all our beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was always well groomed, clean and neat, but from the descriptions we are given, he (PBUH) actually looked like a man. So I guess it shouldn’t hurt to have facial hair, and the perfect hairstyle is unnecessary, and seriously manicures and pedicures shouldn’t need to feature at all. In any case, this is just all my opinion, I know that there are many people who would differ with me, but you know what, I’m not asking anyone to agree with me, I’m just telling you what I find strange about today’s world and each person is allowed to have their own opinion.
Image from here
As I watched two women discussing finance and business on news it dawned on me that the times have definitely changed and with this has the roles of men and women. Now there’s nothing wrong with women knowing about business issues, indeed we have the role model of Khadija (may Allah be pleased with her), as a great business woman in the time of the Prophet (saw). But I remember days when the only thing women were called upon for were the more trivial issues; or at least things that were regarded as trivial by men (cooking, beauty, etc).
This got me thinking about how things have changed over the years and how the entire system has moved from “the powerful male”, to “the powerful female”. Of course there are many societies where men still believe they need to have ultimate power, but if we look around in mainstream society, we will see this shift very easily.
Popular television shows are one example of this. In the past male dominated shows, with male lead characters were the most popular; you’ll recall McGyver, Knight Rider, The A-Team (well at least those of us who were growing up in the 80s will). Now we have shows like Desperate Housewives, Gilmore Girls, Sex and the City... I’m sure you can find many more, and the common element is dominant female lead characters, with males in the background, mostly feeling emasculated and needing to find ways to assert their power... and this is the way of the world today.
In their bid to display their masculinity men revert to strange things, and in their bid to keep their power, women do even stranger things, and I’m thinking, “Is it that hard to live together in unity, with mutual power sharing”?
Once again this gets me thinking about the Islamic system, and I’m not talking about people’s own system of Islam which has been tainted with cultural practices and beliefs, I mean true Islam, the way we were taught to practice it by our beloved leader and teacher, Muhammad (May Allah shower His peace and blessings upon him).
Despite what people may argue, the Prophet (saw) lived the example of a true man, one who did not need to assert his masculinity or power in overt and sometimes harsh ways, this was a man who naturally had power, and because of this he was not afraid to seek advice from women, or regard women as equals.
Now, I’m not going to get into a gender debate here, my personal opinion is that gender debates become unnecessary within the true Islamic system. Men and women are given equal stake within a true Islamic system so there should be no need to debate this issue. Yes, there are different roles, especially so within a family context, but these roles are complimentary and are meant to maintain tranquillity.
What happens in this ever constant power struggle is that men and women become opponents of each other. They are constantly trying to find ways to outsmart each other, assert their power and integrity, demand respect and show who is really in charge, and thus the power struggle continues.
Allah (swt) tells us in the Holy Quraan that He created men and women as a comfort for one another, “garments”, to live “together in tranquillity”. So, basically, we’re supposed to be on the same team, are we not?
An important factor here is intention. When we do things for the love of Allah Almighty and submit to Allah’s will completely, then the power struggle becomes a joke, because we realize that in reality we are all powerless, when the One who has all the power is in control of everything, how can any of us still waste our time, fighting for power.
Again, let me just make it clear that I am not talking about oppressed people fighting for their rights. This is another story altogether. The everyday power struggle that we see occurring between genders, when oppression is absent, that’s what I’m talking about.
So yes, instead of investing our time in this strange power struggle, why don’t we try to invest it in attaining the peace and tranquillity that our Creator, Allah Almighty, intended us to have. I think that the more we look at it, the more we’ll realize how futile this power struggle really is.
Image from: dreamsincredibles.blogspot.com/2007/04/unders...
