Your child has ADHD and needs to be put on medication

 A few days ago a good friend of mine called me, very distressed because her 6-year-old son’s teacher called her in and told her that her son has an attention deficit disorder and he needs to be put on Ritalin. She asked me if I could do an assessment with him to see if he in fact does have a problem. So obviously I agreed, feeling very disturbed myself because I know how quick people are today to “diagnose” young children with Attention Deficit Disorder, or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Furthermore I completely disagree with young children being given such strong, mind altering medication.

Now I’m not saying that the Disorder does not exist. I have seen children who actually do really have attention problems, but this does not apply to any child who can’t sit still and pay attention for long periods of time, especially if they are only 6 years old.

Anyway, back to the little boy in question. Ahmed, is his name, Masha’Allah he is such a cute little child, with these huge hazel eyes and sweet smile. I spent 2 hours with him, doing different tasks and he was able to sit still and pay attention throughout that time. Okay so he started getting a bit tired and lost concentration towards the end of the 2 hours, but isn’t that normal? Shouldn’t we allow for normal human behaviour? I mean, who doesn’t get tired after doing work for two hours straight. His behaviour in my eyes definitely did not warrant a diagnosis of ADD/ ADHD and he most definitely does not require medication.

I find it really sad, because what this “medication” does is control children. It turns them into robotic type kids, who are “manageable”. Since when are children supposed to sit still and be quiet for hours on end. Since when can we expect them not to be curious and explorative. I know that classroom situations are difficult for teacher’s, especially when they have to deal with large numbers of children who come from different cultural and language backgrounds, as is the case here in South Africa, but I think that we really should not be so quick to diagnose children with anything. Perhaps the child has a different learning style, where he or she cannot learn by looking at the board or even from reading books, perhaps there are children, like Ahmed who learns in a practical manner, by physically doing things and watching others do things. These differences in learning style are important and needs to be considered within a classroom setting, especially before making claims that children have a disorder and need to be put on Ritalin.

Image from here

I know that there are parents who initially thought that medicating their children would be good, only to regret it later, because they saw the effects that it had on their children. These “drugs” are not something to take lightly and the repercussions can be detrimental.

Now I’m not condemning the teacher in question here, after all I am not a teacher and truly admire those who are. I used to lifeskills sessions with children at schools and honestly they literally ran circles around me, so I know that I would never be able to do what teacher’s do every single day. Having said that however, I believe that children are all different, they are amazing and unique in their own way. A child may not be good at Math or reading, he/she may struggle with writing and learning letters, but that same child will have talents in other areas. Giving labels to children, especially at such a young age is dangerous, not only will it affect the child’s self-esteem, but it will also stifle their talent and it will teach them that if they can’t be like everyone else then there’s something wrong with them. This is very unfair in my opinion.

Let me just also add that I am not saying here that children should not be disciplined. I think that the discipline is very important for children. Children who grow up without discipline become adults without discipline and then we have a whole society of selfish and arrogant people, which we can already see today.

Let us remember the example of the Most Beloved of Allah, Our Master , Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). He loved children, and treated them with kindness and respect, he took the time to understand each individual child’s problems and was never harsh with them. His perfection was evident in this area as well as he had just the right balance. If only everyone could emulate this perfect and blessed example, the world would be a better place for us all!

The Important Role of a Parent

Yesterday was one of those days that made me feel like I really don’t like the work that I do. Sometimes I have those days, it mainly happens when I have to see how parents mess up the lives of their beautiful, innocent children. I guess that’s one of the downfalls of working in the psychology profession. It’s really sad to see what parents do to their lovely little kids. Although I’ve been working in this field for a long time already, it still makes me so angry every time. There are just some things that you cannot accept, and seeing how reckless parents are with their own children’s lives is one of those things for me. Obviously I cannot divulge details, but let me say that there are way too many parents out there who do not understand the role and responsibility of parenthood.

Parents are supposed to protect their children and keep them safe from harm. Having children is such a big trust and such a huge responsibility and yet I am amazed at how frivolous people are with regards to this. It’s like some people care more about themselves than they do about their children, and some parents behave like they are still children themselves, without considering the effects this has on their children. I honestly feel like knocking some sense into certain people because they are so oblivious to the negative effects that they have on their children.

Parents are the first people that a child knows, the first role models, the people whose behaviour is followed, and really from the things I see I can tell you that some people do not deserve to be parents. I know that Allah (SWT) is the knower of all things and Allah sees everything, and everyone will be accountable for their actions on this earth, but when I see how some parents are the cause of their children’s problems, I really feel that they don’t deserve their children.

Life is strange, there are so many amazing people out there who can’t have children and who long to have them just so that they can bring them up in the best manner; and then on the other hand you find people who are parents but they neglect their duties as parents and they abuse their children in many different ways. Clearly these parents have many problems of their own, but is it fair that innocent children have to face the consequences of their parents problematic lifestyles. And I have to wonder, if people can’t rectify their behaviour for the well-being of their own children then what will ever make them rectify their lives. All I can do is pray that Allah (SWT) guides every person who is a parent to fulfil their duties and to bring their children up in the correct manner. But more importantly I pray for all those little innocent children who are forced to grow up before their time because their parents are unable to act like mature and responsible adults and take care of them the way they deserve to be taken care of.

Parenthood is not an easy job, it’s not something that you can ignore or choose to do when you want to do it. Parenthood is a lifelong commitment, in my opinion it’s the most important human commitment that we will ever have. Perhaps people need to consider this more often and instead of only thinking of themselves and their own pleasures they should consider what type of a parent they need to be.

In Islam we learn that each person will be answerable for those that are in their care. I really wouldn’t want to stand in front of Allah Almighty one day and have to account for children that I did not bring up properly. I’m sure most of you wouldn’t want to do that either.

May Allah Almighty help us all and may Allah give strength to all the parents out there so that they can care for their children as they should be cared for!!!