Sunday, April 6, 2014

On mixed feelings and choices

Life is about mixed feelings. Nothing is ever really clear cut. There’s always happiness that comes with some sadness, or the other way around. Most people are never completely satisfied. Every choice seems to come with a sacrifice, while at the same time it may come with benefits. It’s possible that you love something yet hate some parts of that thing at the same time. It’s possible to be relieved to no longer have a certain responsibility, yet you may miss it (or some part of it) at the same time. Human beings are complex creatures. Perhaps this is why Allah Almighty says in the Glorious Quraan something to the effect that the children of Adam (pbuh) are always troublesome. We are never completely satisfied with anything!

And while we may think that clear-cut and easy situations would be better, we still can’t help asking ourselves whether a one-dimensional life would really be fulfilling. I can guarantee you that someone who had constant happiness would eventually get so tired of it that they’d be longing for some sadness or some trouble, just so that their routine could be broken. A lot of us search for the perfect life, but the sort of perfection we yearn and strive for is elusive. This is why we see people in a constant state of depression and unhappiness, because they are searching and yearning for something that doesn’t exist, and all the while they are ignoring what does exist.

Some of us may have bigger difficulties than others. Some of us may be living the type of life we always wished we would never live. Some of us are sitting and asking ourselves, “why did this have to happen to me?” Some may be wondering when things will change… How many of us realize that with every situation, through all the mixed feelings, the key is the choices we are going to make. The choices we inevitably make is going to be the determining factor for us, in this world and the hereafter.

So instead of focusing on the sadness, what if we choose to focus on the happiness? And in every situation, what if we choose to search for the lessons? What if we choose to take the messages that Allah Almighty is giving us? What if we choose to understand that our lives are individually tailored by Allah for each of us? A special exam has been set for each one of us. We are given tips throughout the way, and Allah (most Glorious) is so generous that He saves us 
from doing the wrong thing many times, and He directs us and guides us back to the right. All we have to do is to focus, then we’ll see that Allah is doing things for our own good, and we’ll understand that the hardest lessons are the ones that are the most worth learning.

The way I like to see life is that everything that happens to us, whether long-term or short-term is an experience. It’s something else to add to our “Life CV (or resume)”. One day we’ll understand why we’ve had all these experiences, one day these experiences will come in handy. Each experience benefits us and gives us more worth, and better skills.

Mixed feelings, well that’s what makes life interesting, and as for choices, this is something we all have, in every situation. Maybe it’s time we focus on the choices we keep making instead of focusing on the negative in our lives. We may just finding that it’s not our lives that are negative, but it’s our choices that are causing all the negativity.

For now, I am making a conscious choice to embrace whatever comes my way, whatever is still to come I pray to Allah to give me the ability to deal with it positively. I am making the choice to smile at the fact that I am able to experience mixed feelings, because this means that I have been granted the gift of experience and the even bigger gift to learn valuable lessons from this experience. But I cannot forget the greatest gift of all, and that is the fact that Allah Almighty wants me to be a person who can understand and comprehend reality,  (not the fake illusion which is sold to us as reality) and Allah wants me to just be true to myself!

What about you? What choices are you going to be making right now? And how do you deal with having mixed feelings?  Share your thoughts, we all have so much to learn from each other! 

Image 1 from here 

Image 2 from here


  1. It's a very interesting post Zarina and I like your approach.
    In fact I agree mixed feelings are not always easy to handle but in order to appreciate life, we need to learn from all experiences. We would never be able to know what joy is, if we never get to experience pain or sadness. All feelings go by pair.
    Every day we are making choices, we are deciding whether we accept experiences or fight them, whether we stay passive or we take action. Every day, we can chose who we want to be and what we want to do of our time and life.
    When I have mixed feelings, I try to go out, breath and pray. I do write about these feelings too. By writing I am letting them go out and I let God showing me the teaching behind them. There is always something to learn .
    Keep sharing your thoughts dear, they are inspiring.
    Stay well and in peace.

  2. Assalamualaikum dear sister Zarina,

    Many things that had happened to me and many choices I had made. True as what you had said, sometimes we like what happen to us but at times we wish it didn't happened. As I getting old now, for me whatever happens whether good or the opposite, I know there is always some reason behind it for it to happen to me. Maybe as human, we are lack of thanking Allah and always not satisfied with what we already have that makes the mixed feelings becomes worsen. If choices that we make could go in hand with what Islamic teachings, Insha Allah we are able to look it in a brighter positive way and also in Allah's blessing to carry on our life in this mortal world....

  3. Marie and Nur

    Thank you both for your comments. Yes, speaking to Allah and asking for guidance is the best way to deal with mixed feelings.

    Marie- writing about things also helps to give me clarity.

    Nur- truly if our choices are in accordance with Islamic principles then Inshaa-Allah there will be blessings in
    whatever decisions we make.

    I think it's important that we take everything as an experience and that we remember that we ultimately make the choices in our lives, this usually helps me to stay positive, and it seems to help you both as well,

    Stay well and in peace always

  4. Zarina- Great post. I am going through something right now. It is beyond me...other people's actions are affecting my life. It is difficult. When I begin to think negative things I ask Allah to protect me from the whispers of Satan (being saying that a lot lately). I think how we act in situations is bigger than anything else. Maybe we always look at how we can change or fix something, BUT, we can't always do that when other people make decisions - even if we know they are not wise in their approach.
    A one dimensional life would be difficult...there would not really be any lessons to learn (I think). What is joy without pain?!

  5. Salma

    I am so sorry to hear that you are going through something complicated. May Allah (swt) give you ease and help you to remain positive and peaceful, despite the negativity around you. I agree, sometimes we feel the need to fix things, but we can only really take responsibility for ourselves and our own actions, and then we have to leave the rest to Allah, only Allah can fix things, especially when other people are stubborn and not willing to make things work. I also know how it feels to see people making the wrong decisions and you can't do anything to change it, this is very difficult, especially when it's people who are close to you. But we always have some ability to do something if we continue to turn to Allah and pray earnestly for those people and ourselves.

    You are in my duaas my sister, may Allah give you strength Insha-Allah!