Sunday, January 30, 2011

The Important Role of a Parent

Yesterday was one of those days that made me feel like I really don’t like the work that I do. Sometimes I have those days, it mainly happens when I have to see how parents mess up the lives of their beautiful, innocent children. I guess that’s one of the downfalls of working in the psychology profession. It’s really sad to see what parents do to their lovely little kids. Although I’ve been working in this field for a long time already, it still makes me so angry every time. There are just some things that you cannot accept, and seeing how reckless parents are with their own children’s lives is one of those things for me. Obviously I cannot divulge details, but let me say that there are way too many parents out there who do not understand the role and responsibility of parenthood.

Parents are supposed to protect their children and keep them safe from harm. Having children is such a big trust and such a huge responsibility and yet I am amazed at how frivolous people are with regards to this. It’s like some people care more about themselves than they do about their children, and some parents behave like they are still children themselves, without considering the effects this has on their children. I honestly feel like knocking some sense into certain people because they are so oblivious to the negative effects that they have on their children.

Parents are the first people that a child knows, the first role models, the people whose behaviour is followed, and really from the things I see I can tell you that some people do not deserve to be parents. I know that Allah (SWT) is the knower of all things and Allah sees everything, and everyone will be accountable for their actions on this earth, but when I see how some parents are the cause of their children’s problems, I really feel that they don’t deserve their children.

Life is strange, there are so many amazing people out there who can’t have children and who long to have them just so that they can bring them up in the best manner; and then on the other hand you find people who are parents but they neglect their duties as parents and they abuse their children in many different ways. Clearly these parents have many problems of their own, but is it fair that innocent children have to face the consequences of their parents problematic lifestyles. And I have to wonder, if people can’t rectify their behaviour for the well-being of their own children then what will ever make them rectify their lives. All I can do is pray that Allah (SWT) guides every person who is a parent to fulfil their duties and to bring their children up in the correct manner. But more importantly I pray for all those little innocent children who are forced to grow up before their time because their parents are unable to act like mature and responsible adults and take care of them the way they deserve to be taken care of.

Parenthood is not an easy job, it’s not something that you can ignore or choose to do when you want to do it. Parenthood is a lifelong commitment, in my opinion it’s the most important human commitment that we will ever have. Perhaps people need to consider this more often and instead of only thinking of themselves and their own pleasures they should consider what type of a parent they need to be.

In Islam we learn that each person will be answerable for those that are in their care. I really wouldn’t want to stand in front of Allah Almighty one day and have to account for children that I did not bring up properly. I’m sure most of you wouldn’t want to do that either.

May Allah Almighty help us all and may Allah give strength to all the parents out there so that they can care for their children as they should be cared for!!!


  1. Thank you for this post sister. I hope you continue the work you do. I grew out of and extremely abusive home and it still affects me even in my adulthood. It has shaped my fears and beliefs and I have to fight with this past like a cancer that has all potential to take over my hopes and sense of peace.

    I even wonder sometimes to this day why Allah swt would give me such life when I was so good as a child and just wanted a normal parent but He is the best of planners and perhaps there is some good in every situation no matter how dark it seems, there can always be light.

  2. As-salaams sister Is-za

    I am really sorry to hear about your childhood and it really pains me to think about what you have had to go through.

    You are so right in your belief that Allah (SWT) is the best of planners and that there is always light after darkness. I believe that many times those people who had to go through the most difficulties are the ones that become the best of people and I have seen how Allah (SWT) continues to bless them even though they may not be getting what they deserve from their own parents, Allah never forsakes them and Allah takes care of them every moment.

    Children are good and innocent inherently and no child deserves the abuse that they get from parents and loved ones. Allah knows what the reasons for abuse is, sometimes parents have had difficult lives themselves and they don't know any better,Allah knows best.

    One thing is certain though, Allah sees the struggle that you go through and Allah is not unjust, inshaa Allah in the hereafter you will be rewarded in abundance.

    Just try and remember that your past does not need to define who you are. You are not your past and not the reason for your parents abuse, and you most definitely do not/ did not deserve it!

    May Allah make all your difficulties easy inshaa Allah.

  3. Thank you so much sister!! Truly...Thank you.

    May Allah guide and bless your family.

  4. May Allah Almighty be with all the Muslims dear sister, the family structure is the backbone of society and the breakdown of the family is the breakdown of society. May Allah strengthen all of our families inshaa Allah.

  5. Salam aleikum sister,
    thank you for your post. As a mother myself, I read it throught very carefully and agreed with you. In my opinion, there doesn't exist such thing as a perfect parent, and I also sometimes think that I could be better. Still, it is always so sad to read about the ways that children are abused - and how long effects these abuses can have. May Allah protect the innocent ones, insha Allah.

  6. Was-salaam Nadia, I agree with you, there is no perfect parent, but I can really admire those parents who are constantly trying to be the best that they can be. Abuse of children is terrible and exists in many forms, the worst is when parents don't even realize that they are harming their children. Truly all we can do is pray that ALmighty Allah takes care of all the beautiful children out there. Also, while its true that there is no perfect parent, I always like to believe that as Muslims we have the perfect example in everything, this is true in parenthood as well and if we follow the guidelines given to us by the most beautiful Prophet Muhammad (SAW) then inshaa Allah we will gain success as parents. May Almighty Allah reward those parents who are trying so hard and may He guide those who still have not understood the impact they have on their kids. Allah is the Knower of all things:)

    Stay well sister!