The best decision making skill ever

Have you ever been at a place in your life when you have to make an important decision and the outcome could go either way? I’m sure all of you know those moments, moments when you wish you paid more attention to decision making skills; Moments when you know that following your whims and desires just won’t do it; Moments when other people may give you advice till they are blue in the face, but you know in the end that you are going to have to decide by yourself, and the decisions you make is something that you will have to live with.

It sounds very daunting, doesn’t it? - Just the thought of having to make major life changing decisions is sometimes enough to make me want to lock myself up. But then I remember that I don’t have to do that, because I am not alone, I am never alone and I will never be alone. I have my Creator, and Allah is there all the time to guide us and help us on our life path, but we have to seek that guidance and ask for that assistance. SubhanAllah (Glory be to Allah), one way of seeking out guidance when decisions need to be made is through the prayer of Istikhaarah.

I can’t express my love for this prayer properly. It makes me feel like nothing in the world matters, everything is easy, and things will go the right way because I have asked of Allah. Of course, the right way may not be understood by me at the time, but I know that in time I will understand that the outcomes of my decisions have always been right, even when it didn’t make sense. This is only because I have been given the best decision making tool in existence.

I can tell you that there are many different ways of making decisions. In my field of work we’ve been teaching decision making tools and skills for ages, we start doing this from the time children are young. Yet, still it seems that people remember very little of this, they find it boring and unnecessary, and most times people only become interested in learning decision making tools after they've already made many bad decisions.

So I have a confession to make, I have never really used the different decision making skills out there, mainly because I have never believed that it was okay for me to make important decisions based only on my limited knowledge and experience. Relying on the One who knows the past, the present and the future just makes so much more sense to me. Not only does Allah Almighty know about all events in the world, Allah also knows every single person in the world, better than they even know themselves. Bearing this in mind, isn't beautiful to have Allah Almighty assist you in making decisions.

Perhaps I need to share exactly what the Istikhaarah prayer is at this point. Basically you perform salaah and then make the following prayer thereafter and trust that Allah will guide your heart towards the correct decision:

O Allah, I ask You the good through Your knowledge and I ask You to grant me ability through Your power, and beg (your favour) out of Your infinite bounty. For surely, You have power and I have none. You know all and I know not. You are the Great Knower of all things. O Allah, if, in Your knowledge, this matter be good for my faith, for my livelihood and for the consequences of my affairs, then ordain it for me and make it easy for me and bless me therein. But if, in Your Knowledge, this matter be bad for my faith, for my livelihood and for the consequences of my affairs, then turn it away from me and turn me away from it and ordain for me the good wherever it be and cause me to be pleased therewith.

Isn’t this the most beautiful prayer? This just so perfectly encapsulates the reality of our lives. It is only Allah who is the Great Knower, and only Allah who knows what is best for us! SubhanAllah!

I don’t know what I would do without this prayer. I can imagine myself being totally at a loss, confused and uncertain, never knowing if I have made the right decision and possibly always wondering what would have happened if I had chosen differently.

Alhamdulillah (Praise be to Allah) I am so thankful for this blessing of Istikhaarah.

If this prayer is too long, there are other shorter ones that we can make and Insha Allah we will still receive correct guidance. One beautiful one that I recently learnt of was shared by a fellow blogging sister, you can read about this here.

What I have learnt is that the major decisions in life should never be made hastily. We need to take time out for reflection and prayer before we decide on things. In the time of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) the Companions would ask for Allah’s guidance for all matters, both big and small, so this reminds us that decisions made without thinking, contemplating and of course praying for guidance, is nothing but a lazy way out of things, and this usually results in regret, amongst many other things.

May Allah always guide us in all our decisions and help us to make full use of the bounties Allah has given us.

Image 1 from here 

Image 2 from here 

In its heyday

While driving the other day a particular building caught my gaze once again, as it always does when I drive that route. It’s an old building, dilapidated and empty, but you can see right away that it must have been beautiful in its heyday. My instinct was to stop the car and explore this intriguing structure, but that would've been madness since I was alone, in quite a “dodgy” area of Johannesburg.

I couldn't stop thinking about this building though as I continued driving. I could easily conjure up an image of something regal, a prestigious place; a place where the rich and fancy may have come together for socializing. Or it could have been a luxurious apartment building, the top floor windows looked as if it once boasted the finest penthouses. That was a time when the city would've been in its prime, now this building is a mere echo of what it probably once was, a skeleton, empty and ignored in the busy city street.

Although this building may seem completely useless though, which in all practicality it really is. For me it serves as a reminder; a vivid depiction of what our lives are destined to become. We are now in our prime, full of life and energy, but soon this will end, and we will be forgotten and ignored by many as our once beautiful bodies become dust in the grave.

I may be sounding rather morbid here, but this is reality. Just like a part of the city disintegrates and the buildings lose its value while better and more modern buildings in another part of the city gain prestige, so is it with us. The cycle of life continuous and none of us have a choice. We live, we die, other people are born, they live and they die, and that is just life.

I don’t know about you, but I would like to make the best of this very short life that I have. I do not want to be a loser one day, when I am old and unable to do anything good I don’t want to lament the fact that I could’ve and should’ve done more. The small things are precious. We cannot waste our time working for this world and forgetting that we need to be working towards the hereafter. Our deeds in this world can mean something, if we focus it on the Hereafter. If we do everything with Allah in mind and if our aim is to gain Allah’s pleasure in all that we do, then our lives will not be in vain and one day perhaps we will leave behind a legacy of our own, no matter how small or unpopular that may be.

I guess what strikes me the most is that you can be beautiful, fancy, attractive, glamorous and all those things, but one day all that will be lost and no one will remember it, it will be a mere echo, just like the old building. But you can be very unlike the old building if your character shines, because then, you would have touched lives, and the glamour and beauty of someone’s character will continue to shine and will always be useful as well as remembered.

May Almighty Allah guide us all and help us to always see the truth and reality of this passing life!

Image from here

Inherent peace in simplicity

I've had such a beautiful morning Alhamdulillah (Praise be to Allah). It brought much needed peace and calm to my muddled up mind. For the past few days my mind has been filled with thoughts. I've wasted too much time thinking and over-thinking, to the point where I felt exhausted. And then this morning I got my reminder, the teachings of Islam filled my heart with peace and cleared my mind making me realize what I often tend to forget, that life doesn't have to be complicated at all.

I've always thought that the most beautiful thing about Islam is its simplicity. The basic simplicity that is so in-sync with human nature. Today I was reminded of this. One of the participants in our workshop mentioned that it’s beautiful to see a group of such diverse ladies being able to interact so easily. Her words were that; “we are all the same!” SubhanAllah (Glory Be to Allah), despite the different backgrounds, age gaps and cultural differences, we are indeed all the same! The thing that brings us together is our shared faith, as sisters in Islam it doesn't matter what your cultural background is, what your family status is, how much money you have or how little, all that matters is our common worship for Allah. It’s simple really, so very simple that I can’t help but feel deeply moved.

Besides this however, what struck a chord with me is the simplicity of the rules of Islam. Rules about marriage, divorce and even custody of children have all been made clear, and it isn't complicated, not at all. But the prerequisite for understanding this is that we have knowledge, correct knowledge about the rulings of Islam. Once we have this knowledge, we will gain understanding of how Allah Most Glorious wants to make our lives as easy as possible. The rules of Islam suit human needs, and the ultimate peace that we are supposed to gain from this religion is evident when we understand this.

The sister who we invited to talk today made a very valid point. She said that we have incorporated cultural baggage into Islam and through this things have become complicated. I agree with her wholeheartedly. Since my family comes from a mixed cultural background, culture so to speak, has never been a deciding factor in my life, instead I was taught to always turn to the teachings of the Glorious Quraan and the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). This was simple enough for me, but it created a problem, it meant that I never fitted in properly anywhere. Being surrounded by people who cling to cultural dogma meant that I was an outcast. Culture means so much to some people that it sometimes even surpasses religion and people begin to believe that their cultural practices make them better than others.

Unfortunately, what I’m talking about here has been experienced by many people who have reverted to Islam as well and it makes me angry, because in our need to hold on to old cultural practices we tend to blemish the teachings of Islam making it seem complicated, when in fact it is so very simple.

Islam is a religion for ALL MANKIND. This means that the rulings of Islam and the practices surpass all or any culture. Everything should come second after the practice of Islam and this is why as the sister mentioned, a group of extremely diverse Muslim sisters can come together in unity and peace, and get along really well. This is what results whenever Islam is put at the forefront, before everything else.

Besides all this, Islam emphasizes that people should live in simplicity as well. I can tell you from my own experience that deciding to let go of extravagant things and live a more simple life causes such immense peace in your life. Getting rid of the unnecessary material things in life brings calm into your home and your life. The clutter of material possessions that we pride ourselves on collecting results in our hearts and minds becoming cluttered and our peace is taken away. Try getting rid of material things and you will understand what I mean. The less you have in life, the more peaceful you will become. This is the beauty of Islam, the true simplicity. Look back at the legacy of Islam and you will find that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) lived in simplicity, he (pbuh) wore simple clothes, lived in a simple home, ate simple food… and this is the Most Beloved person to Allah Almighty, the Highest in Ranks. 

The more simplicity we have in our lives, the happier we will be. I get frustrated trying to get this through to people. We need to be simple, live simply, dress simply, eat simply, then we will be in coherence with Islam, and we will find the peace that is inherent to this beautiful religion. And if we have trouble doing this, perhaps we need to remind ourselves of what and who we really are.

 Think about it, can the servants of Allah really lay claim to anything else besides simplicity? 

May Allah Almighty guide me first and give guidance to us all. In sha Allah, Ameen! 

The changes within me

I just finished reading a book that I studied in College many years ago. Back then I loved the book and named it as one of my favourites, understandably then, I was eager to re-read this book after all this time, excited to once again re-experience the love I had once developed for this work.  I read the book, and then I found myself wondering why I had loved it so much in the first place. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still a beautifully written book, I can still connect to its messages, messages of destructive colonial power, of bonds of family and love being shaken, of choices and betrayal. These messages are still profound, but the awe I remember experiencing so long ago has somehow been lost.

Perhaps it’s the continuous discussions of the very same topics that has allowed the initial passion to wane, perhaps it’s the fact that I have been exposed to so many more things over these years. More importantly though, I think it’s because I have changed so much, without even realizing the extent of my inner changes and what I have become.

I look back at myself as an eager student, ready and willing to soak up the knowledge that a University has to offer you, excitedly perusing course booklets for options of what to study. Learning seemed like an adventure, an eye opener to so much that there is out there. And now, I can’t help but feel cynical and the very institution I once saw as a gateway to knowledge has in a way come to represent a sort of stifling for me.

How do I explain this in an understandable manner? It just somehow feels like there’s so much out there, way too much for us to be directed to think in a certain way. The books we have been assigned to read, the knowledge we have been taught, and information we have been given, is only a small fraction of what is out there, and who has chosen what we should read, learn and study? How has it been determined what’s important and what’s not? On what basis do some theories, thoughts or books become the foundation of learning? I have come to question the things I once thought was the cornerstone of knowledge. I have been forced to open my eyes and search my own mind to make choices that are important, not because someone else says they are. My conclusion is that Thought shouldn’t be limited to what is popular, sometimes the “worst-seller” makes the best read.  Sometimes the theories they don’t teach you are the ones that are the most useful and applicable. Sometimes the way of thinking that is regarded as “backward”, “irrelevant” or even “obsolete” are the ones that hold the answers you seek.

I also find myself facing a dilemma, which has become more real each day. For me, reading or learning about the wrongs in the world is not enough. It seems like inactivity or even cowardice, to read or even write about all the wrongs, and yet there is no action. Speaking isn’t good enough, discussions, conferences, debates, what does all this really achieve? People are still suffering, we don’t have to go far to see the suffering. So much is said and done in the name of freedom, and yet freedom remains elusive to so many.

Wars are continuing to rage on, in so many parts of the world. Children are still growing up parentless, women are still being left to fend for themselves. The injustice in the world still persists. Reading about it may make us wiser, but I’m wondering what is the point of wisdom without any action?

After reading the book I mentioned, I couldn’t help but feel like people have been speaking and writing about the injustice in the world for years and years, and still so many eyes remain closed, still so many people insist in mimicking their very oppressors, still so many people give up themselves and their cultures to become something that they are not.

Perhaps the change needs to begin with each of us individually. Perhaps injustice and oppression will only be fought when we change the way we think, and then turn that into real action. Perhaps we need to go out there and help the poor in a more productive manner, or teach children and adults who do not have the luxury of knowledge, it doesn’t matter what we do; even a small action will make a difference. I’m not sure what my course of action will be, but I am quite certain that I am tired of reading about the same things over and over, and not doing much about it.

Image from here 

The Eid that took us by surprise

I hope that you all had a fulfilling and blessed month of Ramadhaan (May Allah Almighty accept all our efforts). And I also hope that you had a beautiful day of Eid. Let me tell you a little about my Eid.

We were really all expecting to fast for thirty days instead of twenty nine this year. Many people including the experts were adamant that the new moon would be too young and we would not be able to site it in South Africa. We were so convinced that Eid would be on Tuesday that when the announcement was made that the moon was sited briefly and thus Eid will be on Monday, many of us were taken completely off guard. Not only had we not bid a final farewell to the month of Ramadhaan, we also had Eid preparations that we were still planning on doing. What resulted was a bit of a scuffle as many women hurried to complete their Eid preparation in time for the unexpected day of Eid.

Alhamdulillah, Eid came and went and I am sure that it was a joyous day for everyone, despite the previous evening’s hurriedness. As we tried to see what to do first on the night before Eid, my mother pointed out something crucial which was so relevant. She said, you see, just like that, at the end of our lives, we will wish that we had one more day.

And this statement is so profound when you actually think about it. Just like we hurried to do whatever we could at the last minute before Eid, so too will we hurriedly try to do what we can before we meet our Lord. Just like we were not ready to bid Ramadhaan farewell, so too will we be reluctant to bid farewell to this world when our time comes. Just like we felt that the Eid announcement was unexpected, so too will the announcement of our death be unexpected. If this isn’t a perfect reminder to us then I don’t know what is.

But here’s the important difference- the day of Eid was still a success, even if we hadn’t managed to prepare all the foods we wanted, or to get all the Eid goodies that we had hoped to get, but the day of reckoning will not be a success if we hadn’t manage to prepare appropriately (may Allah save us from destruction on that day and accept us amongst the true Believers, Inshaa-Allah Ameen!)

So this reminds us once again that our preparation for things in this world should be nothing in comparison to our preparation for the Hereafter. We should not spend our lives preparing for various things in this world, while forgetting to prepare for what is still to come. When we put things into perspective, nothing in this temporary world is a big deal, because everything passes. And this is contrary to the Hereafter, where things will last forever.  

May Almighty Allah guide us all and save us from futile pursuits and may we be granted success in the hereafter and in this world Inshaa-Allah!

Image from here