Different types of addictions

It’s about 4 months now that I de-activated my Facebook account and voluntarily became an outcast to the social network world. This was just something that I had to do, for a number of reasons. You see, from the outset I knew that facebook was strangely addictive, I even warned other people about it, but the thing with this, just like other “addictions” is that the good is focused on more than the bad.

What was being presented to me was this wonderful world where I could keep in touch with old friends, re-connect with former school mates who I haven’t seen for years and know what my friends and colleagues were doing on an everyday basis (or more like on an hourly basis in this case). It made me feel connected to other people, like I was part of something special and meaningful. It started out with casual visits to facebook, and then it became worse. Everyday I’d have to check my facebook page, and even though not much changed each day, (except of course for people’s constantly updated status messages, which seemed to focus on every minute detail of their lives), I’d still feel the compulsive need to go online and see what was going on.

I have to admit that it was difficult for me to deactivate. It seemed as if though I would be missing something important in my life, it definitely took a lot of contemplation. But after speaking to Allah (SWT) my resolve was strong and I knew that I had to do it. When I finally decided to ‘take the plunge’ it was strange. As I was about to click on the final deactivate profile button , these pictures of some of my friends showed and it said; “Are you sure you want to leave facebook...so and so will really miss you”... or something to that effect.( I obviously can’t remember the exact words). I immediately felt all warm and fuzzy inside and seriously considered going back and not deactivating, but something inside made me wonder why there was so much emphasis on me staying activated. I guess like any other “addiction”, the system requires there to be a number of addicts otherwise the system will not be able to function.

See the thing with facebook and in fact the internet in general is that it provides this vast space where people can take on any identity that they want to. They can project themselves in a variety of different ways. Cyberspace allows you to be anything and anyone that you want to be, it provides a sense of escapism from the mundane nature of everyday life. Everyone seems so interesting and everything seems so exciting and intriguing. This sounds very similar to other forms of addiction, doesn’t it?

In the last few days I was reminded of my facebook “addiction” and how my life is better off without it. Since I deactivated my profile, I was able to see who my true friends were, and which people were there simply as part of the illusion. My true friends still somehow found another way to keep in contact, even if it is more difficult, and those who were just part of the virtual world of illusion, well they remained there, they were the ones who were not meant to be in my real life, the ones who could only really connect with me on a superficial level, the level of social cyberspace.

Addiction is a strange thing. People can become addicted to many different things, and just because it may not fit in with the usual ideas of addiction, doesn’t mean that it’s not an addiction. Addiction also exists on different levels. The way to find out if something is an addiction is to see how easy or difficult it is to leave that thing. If it’s difficult, then more often than not, whatever it is has become an addiction, and addictions are dangerous, for very obvious reasons.

At this point I’d just like to add that I’m not saying that facebook or the internet or anything else is bad . What I am saying though is that life should be about balance. Indeed Islam in itself teaches us about having a balanced lifestyle. Furthermore, it should be about consistency. The way someone is on facebook should be the way they are when you meet them in person. The relationships that people foster in cyberspace should be relationships that can be continued in the same manner in person. If this is not possible, then I think one needs to question the validity of those relationships and interactions.

What I’ve learnt is that it’s really hard to let go of things that make us feel good, but sometimes we just have to take the step and let go and once we do this, we will know for sure what is real and what is part of the illusion.

Image 1 from: http://cottagestyle.com.mt/public_html/contact-us/networking/
Image 2 from:http://www.idealog.us/2008/01/

Eid Wishes

Our Blessed Elders

Last week I spent some time with three old ladies. My grandmother (aged 80); her older sister and a cousin of theirs. Now of course, these old ladies must not know that I’m referring to them as “old ladies” because this is something that will disturb them, and with their hectic social calendar and constant outings, they make me sound like the “old lady”. As my grand aunt put it; “please call us ‘senior citizens’ that sounds so much better”!

Well anyway, times with them are always; well... let’s just say it’s interesting! You see, these old ladies always have a funny story to relate, and the way they communicate with each other is a story on its own. In one conversation they would have spoken about fifty years of things that have happened. You know, this one who married that one’s daughter and then their child married so and so and this one was related to that one, and it goes on and on until me, as an outsider feels so confused that my head begins to hurt. So many people, so many families, so many experiences, sometimes it seems that they know the whole of Johannesburg... I’m sure you can all relate to the stories of old people.

The thing is though, that every single time I’m with these old ladies, I am reminded of their value and just how much I can learn from them. Now, they may not know how to use an ATM (even if you keep showing them), and cellphones and computers may seem alien to them, and don’t even think about trying to explain to them what the internet is because it will leave them befuddled, to say the least. But these women have so much more knowledge than any of this. This is knowledge that cannot be ‘googled’ , it cannot be found in any book or any television programme (even if it is something educational). This is knowledge that comes with experience (80 whole years of experience!).

The amazing thing is that from their various experiences these ladies can teach you practical knowledge, things that can help make your life easier, and they do this in the most simple of ways. These are women who have not being spoilt by throwaway nappies (diapers), or washing machines. They had to suffer through many hardships in life and they had to do their own work, and because they were not spoon fed in life, they’ve learnt little ways to make life easier and they’ve learnt how to save things instead of being wasteful.

Another thing I was reminded of last week is that Allah truly and surely accepts the prayers of the elderly. It is Allah who takes special care of all their affairs and gives them exactly what they need. It is Allah who sustains them and helps them, and although Allah Almighty is the Sustainer of every single person, it just seems to me that Allah has special mercy towards the Old, or I should say; “the Senior Citizens”.

So, the lesson I’ve learnt is that I should be spending more time with the elderly, because although they can leave you feeling confused and lost, they also have a lot to teach (far more than people give them credit for), also if they make a prayer for you, Insha’Allah Allah Almighty will readily accept it, and the cherry on the top is that Allah (SWT) will give you so many blessings for this!

Now I think all of you may want to go out there and spend some time with the old people in your own families, and if you have no old people in your family, then go out there and find some old people in your community, because although we all think that old people need us, the real truth is that we are actually in need of them!!!

May Allah Almighty be with all of our old people, keep them safe, make easy their difficulties, sort out their affairs and most of all, May Allah (SWT) continue to bless them in abundance!!!

Image from: http://www.pbase.com/csw62/image/52236079

The importance of family

Last week I was reminded of just how important it is to have family. My sisters and I had to organize a book launch for an Islamic education series we have been working on. The weeks before the launch were gruelling, with all the planning and running around trying to ensure that we got everything done. Finally the day of the launch came and Alhamdullillah everything went really smoothly. This was due to the will of Allah (SWT) but we were fortunate to have the support of our family. Mum was there preparing the snacks and ensuring that the food tables were sorted out, our father and brothers were there, running last minute errands and helping to put up the decor. Our sister-in-law was there to assist wherever we needed her, and after the event brothers-in-law popped in and helped with the tidying up, even the kids were assisting with whatever they could. Having the entire family involved (and we are a very big family- Alhamdullillah) just made everything so much easier. I am so thankful to Allah Almighty for blessing me with a supportive family, this just reminded me of the importance of family. Without family people are weaker and they cannot accomplish as much as individuals as they can as groups.

This reminded me of one of the things I liked when I went for umrah recently. All over the place families could be seen together. Since it was Ramadhaan, families could be seen sitting together at Iftaar time, and at sehri (suhr) time. They could be seen relaxing outside the Haram Sharief after the taraweeh prayers. Children played happily nearby their parents, while adults chatted with each other. The family atmosphere was striking and in contrast to the way it is in a modern “westernised” culture. I can’t speak for every country, but here in South Africa, people are quickly beginning to follow in the footsteps of other countries, and what’s happened is that “the family culture” has been replaced with “the individual culture”. So instead of families spending time together and doing things together, individuals tend to go off and do their own thing. For many people, as soon as children reach the stage of adolescence they begin to see it as something embarrassing to be with their parents and so parents go out alone while children go out on their own.

This move away from the family is very obvious when looking at Western cultures and ideals. The popular idea is for people to become independent and move away from their families. This is regarded as a mark of adulthood. In my opinion, what this does is not only weaken people, but it also weakens society as a whole. Without a solid family structure and support from family, people become more vulnerable, and while it may be true that they learn many things when they are on their own, they also at the same time, lose out in many ways.

The extended family has become mundane, an old and traditional thing and so children see less of their grandparents, aunts and uncles and their idea of family is restricted to parents, and siblings. The size of families are rapidly decreasing, so whereas before it wasn’t strange to find women with 6 or 8 children, even more, now the norm is to have a few children and 3 children families are regarded as big. This may be the modern trend, but I find it very sad.

Growing up in a big family (I come from a family of 8 children) has made me a stronger person and it has also saved me from many things. You constantly had your big brother watching you, or one of the younger siblings innocently blurting out your secrets to your parents, and while this may have been irritating at the time, in retrospect I have learnt to appreciate it.

In these times when people are forgetting the importance of family, I think it’s even more crucial to discuss this issue. It’s easy to be an individual within a family structure, being a part of family doesn’t mean that you can’t be your own person, or that you can’t gain independence, but knowing that you have the support from people who love and care for you, just makes things so much better. It makes individuals stronger!

In many countries it is not a strange thing to see families together. We spent some time in Egypt a few years ago and there it was natural to see families doing things together. Everyone would go to the shopping mall together and while mothers and daughters shopped, fathers and sons would sit together watching soccer matches and discussing things, and thereafter the family would all have a meal together. The entire atmosphere was conducive to family life, and this was beautiful.

The trend of individualism is causing damage to our societies and family members are becoming increasingly isolated from one another to such an extent that parents don’t even know what’s going on with their own children. Husbands and wives live separate lives, sisters and brothers hardly speak to each other and no one listens to grandparents. Perhaps I am “old-fashioned” but I prefer the family culture to the individual culture any day. I just hope that more people could understand the importance of family.

Alhamdullillah, I am so grateful to Allah Almighty for blessing me with a huge family, even if they all make me want to scream sometimes!

My prayer for everyone is that Allah (swt) keeps families together and increases the Muslim ummah by increasing our families. May Allah Almighty unite the hearts of family members, keep love and mercy within families and strengthen the bonds of family,Insha'Allah Ameen!

Image from: http://www.chathamhillgames.com/genealogy.php

The biggest waste of time

I used to like watching soap operas on t.v. Before it used to be those silly American ones, you know, the ones with the ridiculous story lines, crazy plots, mad twin brothers or sisters, people coming back to life, becoming possessed, losing their memory, plotting against each other... and so on and so forth. Every day I would be ready to watch it, that is until I realized that nothing really happened at all and the same thing would be repeated each day, just in a different manner. When you actually thought about it, the same old stories were going on and on, not for days, or weeks, or even months, but for years. It was frustrating!

Thankfully I stopped wasting my precious time with that nonsense, but it didn’t end there. I was still caught up in the trap. I started watching South African soaps, and when they just began on t.v. they were very different from the American ones I used to watch. Here they dealt with important issues such as HIV/AIDS, racism, affirmative action workplace policies, poverty, etc. An embodiment of all the issues that Post Apartheid South African society has to deal with on an everyday basis. This made me believe that these soaps were worth watching.

Recently though I stopped watching those too, because the same type of frustration was beginning to fester. I’d watch my favourite Afrikaans soap 7de Laan (which means 7th Avenue in English), every single day and by the end of the week the same thing that happened on Monday would still not have been resolved. I guess that’s the point of soapies right? They have to keep the viewers addicted; if they resolve everything quickly then nobody will want to watch. I’m so grateful to Almighty Allah for making it easy for me to stop watching these things because now I am able to see exactly what a big waste of time it really is.

Last week I went to visit my grandmother, and she just loves watching soapies. So on two occasions while I was there she was watching soapies that I used to watch. On both of these occasions I was very disappointed to see that South African soaps, are becoming just as crazy as the American ones. The first time I was surprised to see that someone who had very clearly died was back in the soap, as usual some crazy plot was written up where he “came back from the dead”, you know he wasn’t really dead, everyone just thought he was. The second time, the “bad girl” of the soap returned after years just to bring up old wounds and cause more drama. How do we so easily accept the nonsense they feed us, I wonder?

So yes, I am now totally convinced that soap operas are the biggest waste of time. Think about it, how much time would be people have if they weren’t watching these things every day, can you calculate quickly? At least one hour every day right, so that’s 5 hours a week, and 20 hours a month and 240 hours a year. That’s a lot of time, and that’s the minimum! Now imagine how many other better things we could be doing in that time. Makes you stop and think, doesn’t it?

And you know what else, on top of wasting time watching it, you also don’t have to worry about wasting time thinking about it, or talking to others about it, or reading up about it, and whatever else comes with it. Gosh, I feel so bad for all the time that I’ve wasted with these things. The best thing is that when you stop watching it, you don’t even miss it, so you most definitely don’t need to be watching it. This is just my experience, I'm sure that many of you would agree with me though.

May Almighty Allah help us not to waste the precious time that He has given us on this earth and may we become of those who make good use of their time, doing good deeds that will please Allah instead of wasting precious hours on futile and frivolous things. Insha'Allah Ameen!

Image 1 from: http://www.tvrage.com/Days_of_our_Lives
Image 2 from: http://www.tvsa.co.za/mastershowinfo.asp?mastershowid=298